had to talk, that Bennett hadn’t come to his home to be mauled, but he had to have just one more taste before they cleared the air between them. Hell, this felt like a lot of air was already cleared, so yeah, one more kiss couldn’t hurt. His heart swelled when Bennett opened for him and sucked him into his mouth. Fuck, he was going to faint with pleasure, like some maiden in a period romance!
“Stop! We have to talk. You owe me an explanation.”
Bennett’s breathless demand helped him squash the urge to keep on kissing him until they were lost to passion. They were nowhere near ready for anything like that. In fact, they shouldn’t even be making out now like this. Jordan tried to feel bad about it but couldn’t quite manage it. He pulled away, stepping back around the counter and picking up his mug, gripping it like a lifeline. He leaned his hip against the counter and counted to twenty in his head before he spoke again.
“I played the field a lot when I was younger. But you get to a certain age and the game gets old and stale, and the other players get boring. And anyway, I found myself wanting more.”
“If that’s true, why did you shut down like that? Why did my question spook you?”
Both were fair questions. How was he supposed to answer them without giving away his trust issues and making himself vulnerable to a man he was only just getting to know? He had no frame of reference for how relationships worked, but he knew for sure that trust had to be a cornerstone of anything he chose to do with Bennett. He couldn’t be with anyone he didn’t trust.
“I haven’t lived an easy life,” he replied, hoping he could make things right between them without giving up too much about his past. “I’m just being cautious.” Another pause, then, “You’re a young guy. I was still hooking up at your age. I’ve no right to ask you to give up exploring to try for something with me.”
Bennett snorted. “First of all, you make it sound like you’re old. Forty isn’t old, okay? Get over yourself. Second, what makes you think you have a right to decide for me what I should give up and what I shouldn’t?”
Another fair question. “I don’t have that right, of course, where you’re concerned, but I do get to decide for myself.”
Bennett stilled, then put his mug down on the counter and stood up. “Well, it was nice knowing you, Jordan. Thanks for the coffee and the date.” He turned and started to walk away, and it took Jordan a full ten seconds before he chased after him, stopping him just as he reached for the front door handle.
“What the fuck?” Not especially coherent of him, but Jordan was feeling a little overwhelmed.
“Exactly!” Bennett snapped. “What the fuck, man? Did I drive my ass all the way over here for you to give me the brush off in person? You coulda done that back at the Tuckers!”
Bennett was furious with him, and with good reason, when he rehearsed how the last part of their conversation had gone. It was clear to him now, hindsight being what it was, that he thought Jordan was saying he was choosing to give him up. Fuck! This was how he knew he had no clue how to do deeper-than-sex connections with potential partners. He only knew how to deal with his students, his colleagues, and his friends.
“I guess you don’t know me well enough to know that I don’t play games like that.”
“I guess I don’t.” Bennett remained stiff and poised for flight.
“So if it’s okay with you, I’d like us to get to know each other better.”
A long pause followed his declaration of intent and Jordan did his best to tamp down his impatience.
“Okay. Thank you.”
He looked Jordan in the eye, unblinking and almost detached, before adding,
“I have to go. I have an early appointment at the studio in the morning,”
Disappointment slashed at Jordan’s insides. He had hoped that they could spend some time together before Bennett had to leave. He sighed.
“Sure. That’s fine.” Now, how to end this conversation? “I’ll give you a call tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow’s good. After lunch. I’ll be free then.”
“Okay.”
Jordan itched to reach over and kiss him again, but that could wait. The situation between them was too fragile to risk everything on a poorly timed kiss. What they’d shared when Bennett first arrived