what he found himself wanting.
He would be truly disappointed if he had to forget about Jordan because the older man wanted different things than he did. He was tired of the dating game that was really just the fucking game. He wanted more than a good, hard fuck. He wanted conversations about work and walks under the stars. He wanted dinners and desserts at home and nights out on the town.
He sighed, passing a hand over his face as he opened his front door. Claus appeared around the corner from his bedroom and trotted over. Bennett dropped his bag and picked him up, scratching his belly and talking nonsense to him while he went to check his food plate. Adam must not have left too long ago, because both the food and water bowls were full.
“Go on, fat cat. Go eat!”
He put Claus down and went back out to the front hallway to check the mail that Adam had placed on the little table by the door. Some bills, a couple of photography magazines, the usual stuff. Dropping them back on the table — he’d deal with them when he woke up — he went to see what he could eat before he crashed. Nothing appealed, but he knew if he didn’t eat, hunger would wake him up before he’d had enough rest. He made himself a ham sandwich, using the last of the ham and the bread and washing it all down with the last of the milk. He’d need to make a supermarket run tomorrow. He usually did his best not to let his fridge get empty like that because it was too reminiscent of his college days. Making a mental note to write a list so he wouldn’t impulse shop, he went for a quick shower and dropped into his bed.
When he woke up, bright sunlight warmed the bedroom. He looked sleepily at the time on his phone and saw that he’d slept for almost nine hours. And he knew if he stayed horizontal, he could probably sleep for nine more. But he needed to go to the studio today, and he also had to go food shopping, so staying in bed was out of the question. He opened the notes app on his phone and began to make his grocery list…eggs, milk, bread, cheese, butter, fresh fruit, onions.
He’d need something for dinner this evening, and he wasn’t feeling like cooking. Maybe a frozen pizza? It was Friday…if Adam wasn’t working, maybe they could have a game night. Adam could bring the beer. Oh yes, and beer. He added that to his list, and started a To Do list as well…studio, shopping, dinner. Shit! He’d invited Jordan over for dessert, and he’d said he would bring the dinner. Damn…he’d need to make sure he had all the ingredients for brownies. His heart picked up speed at the thought of seeing Jordan again in his home. When had he ever been so eager to see a guy again?
Try never! And that it should be happening with a guy who was ten years his senior, whom he sensed had deep, possibly dark secrets he was not likely to share, was maybe a little bit scary. But damned if he didn’t want to pursue it. This was what he’d been holding out for, why he’d stopped hooking up…this feeling that there was another human being out there, aside from his family and closest friend, who got him or, in Jordan’s case, wouldn’t mind making the effort to get him.
So when his cell phone rang and it lit up with Jordan’s name, he couldn’t help the frisson of fear that slid up his spine. Because he was also scared that what he wanted really wasn’t what Jordan did, that he’d allowed himself to let down his walls way too soon with a guy he still didn’t know too much about and he was likely to be disappointed. And something told him that this call would prove him right. Dreading the possible brush-off, he picked up the call reluctantly.
“Bennett Kincaid.” Better to play it off like he didn’t know who was calling.
“Hey, Bennett.’” Jordan’s voice sounded rusty and tense. “Morning. It’s Jordan.”
“Hey, Jordan. Morning.”
Dread, and maybe some anger — what did he have to be angry about, for fuck’s sake? — coiled in his gut. He swallowed and waited, gripping the phone so tightly his knuckles showed white around it.
“I just wanted to let you know I can’t make it for dessert