Times crossword.”
I stare at her. “Saturday is a bit more challenging, actually.”
“Okay, okay . . . pretend they’re the Saturday crossword. Whatever. Just don’t go off on them for their ignorance. Okay? I don’t want you blowing your shot by being socially inept. The social inepts always get voted off the island first.”
I can’t argue with her. I am socially awkward, I know. “First, I’ve only seen one episode of Survivor, when you watched it, and it scarred me for life. They ate centipedes. Secondly, how do you know that this’ll be anything like Survivor?”
“I don’t. I’m just warning you.”
“Well, if I have to eat a centipede, I’m out. Anything else?”
“Yeah. Smile. Relax. Look like you’re having fun. Try to make alliances with the most likeable, social people. Don’t think about the money or else you’ll start looking constipated, and . . .”
“I’ll get voted off the island. And?”
“And if there is a challenge that involves swimming . . . offer to do the smallest part of it. Actually, any physical challenge. Just . . . don’t.”
“I’m an okay swimmer.”
She snorts. “Nell. You look like a drowning insect, flailing.” She moves her arms wildly in the air for a second before fastening her hands back on the steering wheel.
“Fine. But . . . Courtney.” I suck in a breath.
“What? I can tell there’s something really bothering you. Spill it.”
“It’s just that . . . remember how you said that you wanted to watch Millionaire Bachelor so we could make fun of the contestants? Does that mean people will be watching and making fun of me?”
She gives me a sympathetic look. “Aw, hon. You’re not going to please everyone. Sure, there will be people who make fun, but there will be people rooting for you too. The producers chose you out of thousands for a reason.”
I sink down in my seat and stare straight ahead. My voice is quiet. “Do you think . . . Gerald will be watching?”
She closes her eyes, like she can’t bear to look at someone as pathetic as me. I guess holding a torch for a guy who told you absolutely no nine months ago is kind of sad. “Yeah. He probably will.”
When we used to double date, Gerald was always talking with Joe about reality television. Gerald was a big fan and always saw himself as a contestant on Survivor. While I was studying, he was in the other room, his eyes glued to the television screen. I’m sure if he wasn’t so busy as a resident, I might have seen him in the audition line. I cringe. He’ll be watching me potentially make a fool of myself?
Maybe that was part of the reason I agreed to this in the first place. I wanted to get in front of him again any way I could, even if I look pathetic doing so.
“Don’t focus on him. Do your thing. Just be you.”
Right. Be me. I can do this. “Minus the eye rolling and the lecturing and the social ineptitude. Right?”
She nods. “Right. And swimming. Don’t forget. No swimming.”
Ugh. “Are you done?”
She’s not. She starts saying more, but at that moment we pull into the lot for the rec center. It’s packed. There are at least twenty trucks there with camera crews, and a massive eighteen-wheeler is parked out back with MILLION DOLLAR MARRIAGE on the side, along with a picture of the bald guy I met, Will Wang.
I start to shake again.
She pulls up to the front doors and lets out a sigh as I look at the entrance.
“I am so jealous. This is going to be life changing for you!” I know. Good or bad, I don’t know, though. “You have everything?”
I run through the checklist on my lap again. “I think so.”
I reach into the back and pull out my giant heavy-duty backpack. Then I hug her. “They say we can’t be in contact with anyone during the filming, and we can’t use our phones. I put you down as my emergency contact. So, bye. I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too,” she says. “Give ’em hell!”
This is it. This is really it.
I put my hand on the handle and push open the door. The second I step onto the curb, I’m accosted by a woman with a microphone. Where the hell did she come from?
“Excuse me, are you one of the contestants for Million Dollar Marriage? Do you know what this show is about? Is there anything you can tell us about the filming