my own limitations. That maybe it meant I would really be like them, able to lose aether and go unconscious, but with a built-in system to repair myself. Nick's words made me think this had been more of a fluke, like the bubble he'd put around the Vale.
Leaning back, he slid down so that we were eye to eye. "What about a family?" he asked. "In this future you see, do you want... kids?"
I had to actually stop to consider that. I'd never really thought about it before this week, because I'd always assumed I'd have time. That there would be some future where I met the right person and would just know. Except that I had met the right persons, all five of them. I did kinda know, but it wasn't quite that easy. The kinda part threw it all off.
"Every time this comes up," I told him, "I see this vision in my head. Not like a dream, or even a daydream. Just like a snapshot, you know? Sometimes it's you; other times, it's Luke or Bel, maybe even Sam." I paused. "But I've never seen Ron. Huh. Anyway, it's usually this image of us reaping, and you picking up a child who'd die. A kid lost in a landslide whose parents are gone, too young to care for itself. An abused child or some teen who's been kicked out. Not our child, yet someone we can help."
"To raise?" he asked.
I shrugged. "I never thought about it that hard. I guess it's more that I kinda see the caring part of you big, evil demons, and it just fits?" Trying to read his face was giving me nothing, so I kept going. "Because I do not want to pop out five different kids, but it doesn't seem fair to have one of your babies, and... I would rather help someone who is going to get old anyway than make someone and..."
"Yeah," he agreed. "No, I get it. And there's nothing that says we can't take a century off when you're ready and be good, stable parents. Or even take turns."
I reached up to trace the line of his horn from his temple to the tip. "But not yet. Not until the angels are locked away, ok? I mean, we're going to spend decades just trying to sort out all of the slaves and integrate them back into their own worlds. Never mind the problems of introducing cross-world pairings, and the children they'd make."
"Taking care of your worlds, huh?" he teased.
I chuckled. "They aren't mine, but I kinda want them to be around when the sun turns red. Nick, I'm not scared of hard work. I'm not trying to rush to the part where I get to be rich, fat, and lazy. I..." I paused, trying to find the right words. "I like being special. I like being this thing that can make miracles, even if no one believes in it. I just want to make sure that I'm good."
He shook his head. "No. I don't like that word. Good is always used to put others down. Look at Earth. You have your 'good Christians' who hate gays, who formed bigoted groups to get rid of other good people. You have your 'good people' who sneer at the ones who work two jobs because one has wealth and the other doesn't. The ones who call themselves good? They're the angels. They're the ones looking for a reason to put others down."
"But that's not good," I told him.
"Doesn't matter," he countered. "The people that word honestly applies to don't use it. Why can't we be something different? I am Satan, the Lord of Hell. I am evil, and yet I do more for the midworlds than the good guys ever have. I gave them what they wanted. I helped them move forward. Sia, every new advance is always seen as evil because it's change, and change is terrifying. It's, well, for lack of a better word, demonized."
I giggled at that. "I'm kinda fond of demons."
"Mhm," he agreed, bending to sneak in a kiss on my cheek. "But look at what the idea of good did to you? How long did you worry that being with your legion was a bad thing? That you weren't being a good girlfriend?"
"That's not the same," I told him.
"Kinda is." He smiled at me. "All I'm saying is that maybe we should stop playing by those rules. If we're evil, let's make that mean something?"
It