the second time, the scar returned to normal. Clearly, I could do this. That meant Ron's birth control rune would not render me eternally sterile. And yet, I wondered if it would really be the worst thing ever if it did.
I wasn't really old enough to want children. Maybe chronologically, I was, but the reality was that I'd never had that sort of stable life. Now, I never would. A traditional family was not in my future, and yet I didn't really care. I had eternity ahead of me. There would be dozens of orphaned children, abused ones, or other kids in need that were already destined to die before me. I couldn't figure out why, but my gut said this was the right thing, and I was just going with it.
But I finished my test long before Ron finished the rune, and working in silence wasn't much fun. Getting up, I rubbed his shoulder to make sure he knew I was leaving, then wandered out to the overlook. My ovaries were still complaining, and I just wanted to stand. Here, I could pretend I was looking out at something important.
"Still doing ok?"
The sound of Luke's voice made me jump, but only because I hadn't heard him move behind me. "Jesus, Luke," I gasped, getting my pulse back under control. "You startled me."
"Sorry," he said, moving to stand beside me. "The question still stands, though."
"Yeah," I said, "I'm fine. Fucking hate cramps. Best part of depo, you know? Nothing like that to worry about."
He chuckled. "This is one of those things I have to trust you on. Still mortified?"
I just shook my head. "No. And don't laugh at me, but this whole thing? It's kinda been nice. I love the bathroom, by the way."
"That was Bel," he said, but the glint in his eyes said he'd had a little something to do with it too.
"Uh-huh. Well, it's still nice. I just feel kinda bad that we're all taking over the cabin, you know? This used to be a sacred place for Nick."
"A shrine," he corrected. "We never came here because it was too depressing. Now?" He turned me around to look at the adorable little hobbit-like cabin. "The paint is fresh. The flowerbeds are thriving. The roof has been repaired. That's a home, Sia. When you get closer, you hear someone laughing. Every single time I get near the door, it happens. What was once the most tragic place I could imagine has now become something I want to call home."
I leaned into him. "So you're not mad that I'm stealing your boyfriend?"
"No," he promised. "But only on one condition. That you won't be mad if I steal yours." And he moved his arm to drape over my shoulders.
I slipped mine around his waist. "Fair's fair, right? Just don't break the house when you finally give in, ok?"
"That was only with Bel," he assured me.
I scoffed. "I have a feeling you are stretching the truth as far as possible." But I refused to look at him. "What's the line between us now?"
"Sia..."
"I'm just asking," I assured him. "Because I keep crossing it, and I don't want to be that girl."
"Think we can keep it like we have?" he asked.
I wanted to look at him. To laugh at the absurdity of that. Instead, I kept my voice as neutral as possible. "Which version of us would that be? New York? Or maybe when you healed me in Hell? Or should we just go to the time I gave you aether outside Uriel's house?"
"Oh, bringing up your father totally kills the mood," he teased. "But I was thinking more like the version after we sealed you. The one that can curl up beside me and treat me like her gay best friend."
"You're not gay," I pointed out.
"I'm also not your best friend," he agreed. "I'm pretty sure Ron gets both of those." Then he turned to face me. "Sia, I just can't. Not yet, ok? I know you're powerful, but there's still so much you don't understand - that I do. I'm happy with Ron. I'm thrilled..." And he stopped with a grunt. "No. I'm terrified of this thing that's building with Nick. I'm nervous, and I'm stupid about it."
"Hey," I breathed, reaching out for his hand. "Luke, we're good. I get it, ok? And this thing with you and Nick? It's real, but he's scared too. He's pushing himself to accept that there's nothing wrong with caring about men. I'm a