Where did that come from? I snuff out the doubt as quickly as I can. Of course our love is strong enough to get us through. We’ve had a blast so far. Really good fun, nothing but laughs. We’re amazing. We’re different. Sod Adam for rocking my boat.
‘I’ll be able to sort it all out, smooth it all over,’ I insist.
‘You’d need to be his mother, wife, counsellor, doctor, best mate. There isn’t enough of you to go round to patch him up.’ Adam pauses; I think his attack is over. Hurrah, I can run back to the corner of the ring, relatively unscathed, but then he relaunches. ‘Look, I don’t want to shock you but he’s awash with rumours. He sleeps with everyone that moves.’
In a way it’s quite sweet that Adam, my lover of four years, thinks I might be somehow shocked to hear that my pop star fiancé is not a virgin. If Adam had any idea of the level of detail Scott has gone into when revealing his past, his hair would curl. Sometimes, I do wish Scott would keep a tiny bit back. It might have been nice if he’d been as delicate as Adam is trying to be. It’s hard not to have nightmares about the endless breasts Scott’s caressed, the legs that have wrapped around him, the lips he’s known, the sound of their moans as they’ve come. Especially since I’ve yet to have that pleasure. Adam interrupts my horrid thoughts, or rather, in some ghoulish telepathic way, he elaborates on my horrid thoughts.
‘Scott just goes from one conquest to the next. He’s incapable of commitment.’
And yet Scott’s the one who proposed. A timely reminder.
‘Well, it takes one to know one,’ I say sharply.
I wonder if this is the moment to remind Adam that I’m with Scott because Adam couldn’t commit. Wouldn’t commit. He had his chance and he didn’t want to grab it. What is he doing now? Has he turned into one of those men who doesn’t want me for himself but doesn’t want me to be happy with anyone else either? How mean! How dare he talk about my fiancé like this? What right does he have? I’ve had enough. I know Jess wants me to go easy on Adam but why the hell should I? He’s not being easy on me. I summon my dignity.
Calmly I say, ‘Adam, Scott’s told me all about his past. He’s been really honest. He told me everything. You can’t shock me. You can’t ruin this. Scott’s already dished his own dirt. But he’s clean now.’
‘And what are you? Part of his recovery plan?’
‘I would be if he needed me to be,’ I say firmly.
Adam sighs. I can hear his despair across the ocean. He must know I’m not going to listen to him and yet he carries on. I wonder why he’s bothering.
‘He’s unstable and he’s an actor. You’ll never know when he’s for real. Like, when he does that overwhelmed shrug thing to the audience, like he’s just amazed. He did that on all three nights of the concert.’
‘He was overwhelmed.’ I’m fed up with this now.
‘I’ve been watching the DVD of his Wembley gig, Fern, over and over again. The man can’t be trusted.’ It’s official, Adam has turned into a psycho. What is he doing watching Scott’s DVD over and over? ‘Do you remember he’d act all nervous and he’d beg the audience not to believe the stuff that was written in the tabloids? He’d be practically crying and then in an instant he’d be as hard as nails again. It’s an act and you don’t want to be part of that.’
‘How do you know what I want to be part of?’
‘I know you,’ he says confidently.
I swallow an elephant. That’s the first thing Adam has said that I can agree with. He does know me. Or at least did. I’m different now. Or at least things are different now. Suddenly I feel tense and anxious. I had a massage only this morning, there’s no reason for me to feel uptight. I was dreading this conversation but I didn’t expect it to be this upsetting.
‘Look, thanks for your concern, can you give the phone back to Jess now,’ I say wearily.
‘How did it go?’ asks Jess. ‘I didn’t listen in, I wanted to give you some privacy so I skulked around the yogurt section for a bit. Have you two cleared the air?’
‘You could say that.’ Or you could say