place before. He’s worse now. I can’t blame him.
I wash fast. I have a clean shirt in my bag, which I tug on. I drive slightly over the speed limit. I’m nervous. I need to calm the fuck down. It isn’t her. It isn’t!
I’m going to be so disappointed when I walk through my front door. I’ll shout at the guys. I’ll be grumpy for the rest of the night. I don’t want to be like that. I take in a deep breath as I pull up to my house. I don’t see Tri’s car. It doesn’t mean anything. Death might want to teleport me to his house. I’m not going to be a cranky fuck. I will go out with them. I will try to be grateful. I will try not to be disappointed.
“What have you guys cooked up?” I say as I walk through the door.
I drop my gym bag on the floor when I see Nia jump to her feet. She’s barefoot, wearing jeans and a…a vest, I think. I see a coat and a sweater hanging over the back of the sofa. “Nia,” I push out, sounding surprised to my core. I had done a good job of talking myself out of believing she would be here.
“Hi,” she half-whispers. “Please don’t kick me out. I hope you’ll hear what I have to say.” Her face is pale, and her eyes are huge and so fucking beautiful it hurts me to look into them.
Then it hits me. The way she looks. Nervous as anything…afraid. “Are you pregnant?” I blurt. I have the strangest emotions coursing through me. I want Nia to be pregnant, but I also don’t want that to be the reason why she’s here.
“No,” she whispers. A tear tracks down her cheek.
“No?” I repeat, lifting my brows. I close the distance between us. I tilt up her chin and use my thumb to wipe away the tear. Why is she so sad? I thought she didn’t want this.
“No, I’m not.” She smiles, her eyes glinting with more unshed tears. She sniffs softly.
I let her go. “You’re not happy?” I frown.
“I was so sure that I didn’t want to be pregnant, and yet as I got closer and closer to that time of the month, I started to find myself hoping my menstruation wouldn’t come. I wanted to be pregnant really badly, so I finally took a test. I was driving myself insane wondering.”
“It was negative?”
She nods. “Yes. I’ve taken four more tests since, and each one has made me feel more and more sad. It’s been so confusing. My mam is clever about these things, and about relationships, and about me.”
I don’t say anything. I can see that Nia is thinking things through. She looks up at me. “I thought I would go home and be at peace. That I would wake up and smell the salty sea air. That I would sit among my big, crazy family, and feel free and happy. Like myself again, but I didn’t.”
“How did you feel?” I ask her when she goes quiet.
Her lip wobbles. “Sad. More alone than I’ve ever felt. Considering I was shackled to a gate in the pits of hell for a year, that’s saying something. Considering five of my nine brothers still live in our very crowded house, that’s saying something for sure. My mam said something that rang true. She said that sometimes you’re more deeply afraid of the things you want the most. I was so afraid of trusting again, of loving…opening myself up…of giving away control…giving away a piece of myself. I’ve been so afraid of you, Rage. With you, I’d fall harder than I’ve ever fallen.” Another tear escapes, and she wipes it away with the back of her hand. “I’m still afraid. I’m terrified, but the best things in life aren’t always easy.”
“It might be easier than you think.” I smile at Nia. I want to pull her into my arms, to never let her go. She’s still vulnerable, so I refrain. “You might be surprised. What if you don’t fall? What if you rise up? People who love each other lift each other up.”
“That’s beautiful. It actually reminds me of something that Mam would say.”
“I just reminded you of your mother?” I raise my brows.
Nia laughs. “Not even close,” she murmurs.
“I’d like to meet your mom.” I mean it. “She sounds like a clever woman.”
“I’m so sorry I left,” she blurts, another tear slipping out.
“I’m not,” I say.
Her