without thinking about it. “She sometimes says what she thinks without thinking first.”
“I like that,” he said. “I don’t like fake people.”
“Me either.”
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what she said. I don’t think she was wrong. I think I’ve made some mistakes. I don’t think I can do much to change the past, but I would like to try and change the future.”
“What are you talking about?”
“She told me I had fucked up as a father.”
Again, I felt like I was going to choke on the beer. “She did what?”
“Not in those exact words, but after doing a great deal of self-reflection, I think she is right. I didn’t give you and Kade equal attention. I always favored Kade. It wasn’t necessarily intentional. It was just that I felt a connection to him. We had a lot more in common than you and me.”
“I build ships for a fucking living,” I said. “Where do you think my interest in that came from?”
“I see that now,” he said. “I should have seen it then. Your mother tried to tell me, and Kade tried to tell me, but I couldn’t see it.”
“It wasn’t just for you,” I said.
“No, I don’t suppose it was. You did it for yourself. You made something of yourself. I’ve kept my head in the sand, trying to ignore what you’ve been doing. I did a little research. You have changed the world, just like you said you were going to. You really did something remarkable. Your mother used to show me newspaper clippings with your name. I know I didn’t say it, but I’m proud of you. I’ve always been proud of you.”
I put the bottle of beer down. I could not continue to drink it if he was going to send me into coughing fits every time he dropped one of his little bombshells. “You are?”
“I am. I should have told you before. You are my son. I’ve said some pretty shitty things. I don’t know how to make them go away but I was hoping we could try and start over.”
I felt like I was being pranked. Maybe I was dreaming. In thirty-two years, my father had never believed I was worthy of his last name. “You want to start over? I’m sorry, Dad. This is all coming out of left field. I don’t know what to say.”
“I understand. You’ve hardened your heart and I’m about the last guy on the planet you want to be friends with. I don’t blame you. I won’t push it, but I just want you to know I think you’ve done well for yourself. Your brother was very proud of you as well. He was always bragging to anyone that would listen. He would tell his guys about his rich brother that changed the world.”
That made me smile. “We had a really good visit when he came down. We talked about taking one of those fishing charters. He wanted the three of us to go. Maybe we could still do that, in his honor.”
He smiled, pain flashing in his eyes. “I would like to do that.”
“As it turns out, I have a lot of free time on my hands. What about you?”
He shrugged. “I’m retired. My days consist of pruning your mother’s roses and bitching about the neighbor’s dog that shits in my yard every damn day.”
“Can I make the arrangements?” I offered. “I’ll hire a private charter. I don’t want to compete with anyone else.”
“I forgot, you’re a rich guy.”
“I am.”
“Tell me what the deal is with that Evie woman,” he said.
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“I think you need to figure that situation out. She’s a good lady. She’s special. She is a lot like your mom. She doesn’t take any shit. That’s the kind of woman a Holland man needs.”
I was happy for his advice, but it was a little too late. “I think I might have messed that one up. I don’t see her welcoming me back into her life.”
“She came all the way up here to try and get us to talk. I think that says a lot about how she feels about you.”
“Maybe,” I said.
“Son, I’m sorry. These last few years, I have been especially rough on you. I’m an angry, bitter old man and just couldn’t seem to pull my head from my ass long enough to see what I was doing. I’m going to promise you that is over. I’ve lost one son. I can’t lose another.”
I was not going to