shook my head, but I wasn’t really sure I was getting any of this. ‘No, suppose not. So?’
‘And so, bollocks to it.’ Toki looked triumphant, as though he had discovered the mystery of the universe. Then he spoke almost in a whisper, as though he was sharing the biggest secret of them all.
‘When I’m out there and it’s all kicking off, I reckon I’m probably dead anyway. So anything I do to stop that from happening to me or my mates is a bonus. Do you get it?’ He looked towards me eagerly, with a big smile on his face.
It felt like I was talking to some Jedi master out of Star Wars, but I still didn’t get it. ‘S’pose so,’ I said, more to please him than anything else.
He looked a bit disappointed by his Jedi trainee’s lack of enthusiasm, so he added a final explanation. ‘Listen, I know you won’t lose your nerve because you want to stay alive. You’ve proved that. Plus, you know you’ve got an even bigger responsibility to keep your mates alive, and I know you would never let them down, would you?’
I hung on to every word, hoping that in the end it would all make sense to me. ‘Hope not.’ I know I still sounded a bit reluctant, but it was the best I could manage. I gave him a weak smile to show that I really appreciated the effort he was making.
‘Listen, you’ll be all right.’ He smiled back, like he knew it was time to lighten the mood. ‘You haven’t sent a bluey to your mum this week, so let’s see how your writing’s improved. Then we’ll do a bit of that coursework. Maybe then I’ll think about talking to Sergeant MacKenzie for you.’
That was the best news I’d had since our chat began. The rest I needed to think about. Now that we were back on safer territory, I had a sudden brainwave. ‘You know what? I think I’ll write to my dad instead. It’ll be the first time. There’s something important he needs to know about. There are gonna be a few words I learnt about today that I can’t spell …’
I reached for a bluey from the neat stash of them under Si’s bed, and fumbled for the pen in the bottom of my pocket. I began to write, stopping every so often for Toki to check and help me with my spelling.
Dear Dad,
Hope you are OK. I don’t know your postcode but reckon this should get to you OK. Because me and Mum haven’t seen you for years, you probably don’t know that I’m in the Army now. Well, the bluey gives it away I suppose!
I’m in Afghanistan and I’ve got about three months left. I’m in the Rifles as it happens, not the Guards. Mum’s OK. She just worries a lot. Anyway, Mum told me that when you were in the Falklands, you were on a ship attacked by Argie planes. She said the ship got blown up and lots of your mates got burnt really bad, and some of them died. Maybe why everything went pear-shaped between you and Mum afterwards is because you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Dad, PTSD is something that loads of soldiers get, but the doctors can help you. Just go and see one. Please …
The FOB’s loud speaker system sparked up again. ‘Standby. Standby. Showers are on, but today, only for an hour. The pumps need a service. End of message.’
Toki picked up John’s laptop. ‘Leave the letter, Briggsy. We’ll finish it off later. Go clean yourself up.’
Chapter Twelve
After showering and changing my shirt as Toki had instructed, I wandered back over to the Medic Centre. Emma still had the Chili Peppers banging out of her speakers when I finally got called in. It was a wonder she was able to concentrate on any kind of medical emergency with those twats warbling in the background. I was more of a Jay–Z man myself.
‘Emma! I’m back.’
I was still pissed off with her for telling the lads about my war wound. She might be pretty, but she was definitely a pain in the arse. And I had one of them already!
I decided to go straight into attack mode. ‘I can’t believe you told ‘em.’
She looked puzzled for a moment, as though she wasn’t quite sure what I was talking about.
‘Hmmm … Did I? … I can’t remember …’
She squirted her hands with disinfectant from a bottle and burst into fits of