wasn’t sure, and Fruitful wouldn’t leave without her. There’s our younger sister, too. Prudence. She isn’t even fifteen yet. If I can’t go back there, and Fruitful and Obedience aren’t there … when she’s old enough to leave, I want to get her out, too, and how will I …” I stopped, breathed, and went on. “Anyway. Gilead found out, which meant Fruitful wasn’t safe. It means the other women will be suffering, too. That’s what worries me.”
“Explain,” Gray said. When I was silent, he sighed and said, “Of course you don’t have to explain. But you’re scared, and you’re not stupid. So if there could be danger—tell me.”
More silence. I was trying to think. It was so hard to think. The secret was so big, so terrifying. Gray said, “You’re going back to work sometime.”
“Yes,” I said. “Tonight. I’ll be on the night shift, for now. Midnight until eight. So I can have the late afternoons and evenings with the girls, get things done.”
“Midnight until eight,” Gray said. “I’ll be here, at least until seven or so. Me, and the dog.”
“Does the dog have a name?” I asked, because I didn’t want to think about danger.
“No,” Gray said. “Got an idea?”
I looked down at her. She was on the lead, trotting at Gray’s side like she was happy to be here. I said, “I always thought that if I had a dog, I’d name her Xena, Warrior Princess.”
Gray laughed. “Xena, eh. Works for me. Right, then. The Warrior Princess and I will be here. Did you get the girls mobile phones?”
“Not yet. I was planning on doing it today. I’d feel better if they had them.”
“When you get them, put my number in them, too. And remember—nobody can get to the yurt without going past the house.”
“You’ll be asleep,” I said.
“I’ll hear,” he said. “I’ll know.”
He didn’t say more than that, didn’t tell me that he was strong, and he was tough, and he was ready to protect them. And because he didn’t tell me, I believed him.
I said, “Uncle Aaron only has six kids.”
“Only?”
“Usually, families have eight, minimum. All the way up to fourteen. A woman is expected to be back at work two weeks after she gives birth, and available to her husband then, too. You get married at sixteen. Do the maths. Breastfeeding can suppress ovulation, but it doesn’t always work, and if it does, it doesn’t work forever. You get a few months, that’s all, when you’re young and fertile.”
“Wait,” Gray said. “Two weeks?”
“Yes. But that’s not the point.”
“That bloody well is the point.”
“No. It’s really not. Uncle Aaron … Aunt Constance had miscarriages. The Prophet would berate women who had miscarriages. Accuse them of having abortions, or of wanting them. Uncle Aaron told me that they’d started to use the rhythm method, secretly. Something else that doesn’t always work, but it works better than nothing. And then, you know, I told him when I went to nursing school. When I became a nurse. He asked me, after that … for help for his married daughters. His wife. So I did. I did injections, mostly, because they’re fastest, and they’re easiest, too. Every three months, we’d arrange the date. I’d go to the shed and give the injections, so they could at least wait a year or so before they got pregnant again. Word got out, and then I was doing them once a month, because somebody would’ve noticed if a dozen women had all left their beds on the same night. And, yes, you’re right that it’s dodgy. I’m a nurse, not a doctor. I’d give the injection, under normal circumstances, but I wouldn’t be the one ordering it. My gynecologist helped me with the prescriptions, and that’s a secret, too.”
“So you did an injection on Fruitful,” Gray said, “which is why she’s seventeen and doesn’t have a baby yet. But her husband found out.”
“No. I didn’t. Gilead is … he’d notice she was gone. You have to be … careful. With Gilead. You have to … walk carefully.” Once again, the cold prickles were rising on my arms, the back of my neck. Existential threat, responded to in an existential manner. I kept running, kept breathing, and said, “I put in an IUD instead for Fruitful. So I could do it once, and she wouldn’t have to risk getting out again. But she’d gone sixteen months since marriage with no pregnancy, so Gilead made her go to the midwife. The Prophet’s wife. My