minutes,’ Lucy says, grabbing Zach’s hand and dragging him towards the escalator. Mariella, thankfully, has not told Lucy’s mother about catching Lucy and Zach in bed together, so Lucy is still allowed to socialise out in the world.
‘I’ve got to go too,’ Alex says.
I wait for him to offer to drive me home, but instead he hugs me goodbye, and leaves quickly, head down, hands jammed in his pockets, practically running. This is all the confirmation I need that the cheating must have happened.
‘My mum can drive you home,’ Lucy says to me.
‘No, it’s okay, I’m getting picked up,’ I lie. I had assumed Alex would drive me home.
‘All right then, bye,’ Lucy says.
‘Bye,’ I say. We exchange wide-eyed looks that acknowledge we will be texting each other about this later tonight.
‘Zach,’ I call out to their backs as they are walking away.
‘What?’ he says, turning around.
‘Thanks for ruining my first date,’ I say.
He looks appropriately devastated, and I walk away quickly before he can defend himself.
26
The Truth or Something Like It
Alex messages me that night. I’m at Dad’s apartment, my first night staying over, and I’m trying to figure out how to work the dimmer on the light switch, when I hear my phone ping.
— That went badly
There it is. The inevitable text I always knew I would receive after my first date. I can’t deny getting a secret thrill out of having my low expectations met. So there, Mum. Sometimes the pimple does get worse, the jeans don’t fit even after stretching them out for a day and the date you thought was bad really was that terrible.
I write back.
— Yes it did
No point in denying it. Alex’s response appears on my screen seconds later.
— So about what Zach said
Oh god. The thing I have been avoiding thinking about even though the words have been haunting me for hours. Alex cheated on Vanessa. Everything I have read about relationships on the internet or seen on TV has taught me that once a cheater, always a cheater. Alex is a Bad Person, and Zach is right, he’ll let me down. (Of course, in one way, this has only made Alex more attractive to me, because Bad Person is very close in characterisation to Bad Boy, and TV has also conditioned me to love the Bad Boy.)
I take a deep breath. I need to protect myself. I need to be tough.
— Which part?
— The cheating part
— Is it true?
— Yes. No. Kind of.
— Kind of?
Alex is a cheater, which means he’s a liar, which means I shouldn’t trust anything he says or does.
— It’s more complicated than it sounds
— Isn’t that what guys who cheat on their girlfriends always say?
The little typing bubbles appear for a long time before his next message appears. I imagine all the things he could be writing. It wasn’t me, it was a guy who looked like me. I was tricked into it. Someone took a photo of us on a weird angle and it looked like we were kissing, but we weren’t. I was possessed by a demon. It was a dare. It was a scheme. We were rehearsing a scene from a play. It was one small part of a complicated jewel heist.
If he actually writes any of these things, I won’t believe him, but I want him to care enough to try to lie.
His response finally appears on my screen.
— Vanessa and I were on and off for months…it was very messy…one weekend we had this really big fight and I was upset and I kissed someone else at a party…a kiss that lasted about two minutes…I’m not proud of it, it was a mistake
I don’t know what to say to this, and I type a single-word response that would probably stress me the hell out if I got it.
— Okay
— But I’m a not a bad person. At least, I really hope I’m not. Or if I was, I’m not now.
— Okay
— What does okay mean???
— Okay means I am thinking about that information
— What are you thinking?
— I haven’t decided.
I believe him, which makes me think I shouldn’t believe him, because I don’t know what I’m doing, and my instincts are probably all wrong. I am a naive, inexperienced know-nothing. (But all my years of reading relationship-advice columns online! Surely that counts for something! I guess it depends on who is doing the counting.) The Natalie I was before we kissed, she knew better. She knew not to trust Alex.