night of completely unbridled lust.
Which brought us back to Deacon. I wasn’t a stupid woman; I was fully aware that a big part of the tension between us was all of the unresolved shit of our personal relationship. As much as I didn’t want it to be true, having him back in town had reignited those feelings of hurt and abandonment. I didn’t want to sit down and talk it out with him. That would only lead to an argument. Or more accurately, another argument.
“Don’t you wish sometimes that you could just turn off feelings temporarily, so that you could take care of your physical needs without getting all messy with the emotions?” I hadn’t meant to muse out loud, but I had, and Jenny pounced on my words.
“Uhhh . . . so what I’m hearing you say is that if it weren’t for the fact that you used to be crazy in love with Dr. Foxy, you’d totally do him again, just to get your rocks off. Am I on target here?”
I glared at her. “Jenny, for crying out loud.”
She tilted her head. “Well?”
I exhaled a long breath. “Fine. Yes, that’s totally what I was saying. The sex between us was insane. He’s a god in the sack. But even so, it’s not worth it when I take everything else into account. I’m not putting myself back into a place where he can destroy me.”
“Em, Deacon didn’t destroy you before.” Jenny wrapped one arm around my shoulders and hugged me from the side. “You’re too strong for that. But I get that you don’t want to volunteer for that level of pain again.”
“Exactly,” I nodded. Around us, there was a smattering of applause, and everyone began moving toward the food tables. We’d gotten through the short speech-giving part of Alison’s good-bye lunch, and now it was time to feast.
Jenny and I picked up plates and joined the buffet line. I’d just put together a kind of sad-looking salad—buffets were notoriously hard for vegans like me—when I heard Alison calling me.
“Emma, I’ve got a seat for you over here!”
Following her voice, I walked over to join her, my step stuttering only slightly when I saw that Deacon was already sitting with her, along with Darcy, Jenny and Mira.
Great. This was not exactly what I needed right now.
Still, maybe I could take this opportunity to try to ease the tension between Deacon and me so that we could avoid making our co-workers uncomfortable. I sat down in the empty chair between Mira and Alison.
“Are you enjoying your lunch, Alison?” Shaking out my linen napkin, I smiled at my friend.
“This was beyond lovely.” She nodded. “Much more than I’d expect after I haven’t even been here for a year.”
“Ah, but we appreciate everything you did for us,” countered Mira. “Stepping into a job that you knew was temporary and doing it as well as you did made a big difference. This is just a little gesture to show our gratitude.”
“Are you excited about what’s coming next?” Darcy leaned forward to speak to Alison. “It’s going to be quite a change, I guess.”
“It will be,” Alison agreed. “But it’s a good one. When I was in med school, I thought I wanted the flashy, exciting specialty—you know, something that would save lives on a daily basis. I knew I wasn’t interested in cardiology, and emergency medicine was too stressful, so I sort of fell into oncology. Now, though, the idea of a family practice in a small town—it’s surprisingly appealing. I can’t wait to start.”
All of us on the oncology wing had been shocked when Alison had announced that she’d decided to buy into a small practice—and that it was not far from here, in a tiny village closer to the coast. She’d be the other half of a partnership, joining a doctor who was planning to slow down and retire in the next five years or so. If Alison was a good fit, then she’d buy him out when he was ready.
“If you ever miss the hospital, just the say the word. You can cover for me while I go away for an adventure this time.” I’d meant it as a joke, but the table went silent as all eyes swiveled to Deacon. He continued eating, unbothered, as though he hadn’t heard me.
Alison cleared her throat. “I have a feeling I’ll be too busy to cover for anyone for a while. But I’ll be available by phone or video chat if we