gruffly.
“No milk for Rob,” Louise said as if she knew him better than Jude. She did, he had to acknowledge, still struggling to wrap his head around so many changes, like bowls being stacked where he’d expected to find mugs, the cupboard next door holding plates that were also in the wrong place.
“Here.” Rob opened another cupboard, his gaze cautious. At least the spoons were where Jude expected. He stirred the tea, only adding a splash of milk to his sister’s.
“You take yours black now too?” Louise explained to Rob, “He used to take his tea so milky, he’d get through pints and pints, and then put the empty bottles back in the fridge. Used to drive Mum—” When Louise abruptly stopped speaking, Rob filled the sudden silence.
“My mother too.” His voice was a distraction from the reminder of who was missing from this kitchen. “Only mine yelled about me drinking all of the juice.” His smile was wide like Jude remembered, fond as he added something that resonated with Jude. “She loved fresh juice, but I drank it all so often without thinking. Now I’d squeeze a hundred oranges every morning if she asked me…” He caught Jude staring. Rob’s eyebrows rose a fraction and he asked, “You want?”
Did Jude still want?
He’d never stopped wanting Rob, was the real truth, not for a single minute.
“Juice?” Rob shook a carton at him. “Do you want some juice with your sandwich?”
“No,” Jude eventually got out. A glance in Louise’s direction showed a small frown that deepened as her gaze swung between him and Rob. He needed to stop her from thinking about them any harder. “Come on. Let’s eat in the bar.”
Jude carried a tray loaded with bacon sandwiches into the bar where he’d helped his dad serve customers so often. A sigh slipped out at the sight of yet more changes. “Where are the maps?” They used to cover one wall, a pin left by each new customer to show where they’d come from. Now, yet more seascapes were mounted in the same spot, along with price tags.
“The maps? They got a bit wet, but I made sure to store them safely once they dried out. They’re in the boatshed.”
“With the rest of the tat,” Rob added.
Tat?
For such a small word, it had a huge impact. Jude wrestled down another instinctive urge to come out verbally swinging. Did Rob have to sound so snooty about where Jude had grown up, highlighting the difference in their backgrounds? This bar might not have had the most tasteful of decoration, but it had reflected his parents’ interests, showcasing what they loved best about Porthperrin and sailing. Jude sat at the nearest table and crammed his mouth full of his sandwich rather than tell Rob where to get off. He’d bite his tongue until Louise explained how come Rob had any say in how to run the Anchor.
Being around him was a nightmare, Jude despaired as he chewed, the fierce want that months apart hadn’t dampened, mixing equally with worry as he ploughed through his breakfast. He chewed fast so they could get this conversation over with.
“Someone’s hungry.”
Jude didn’t have to look up to picture Rob’s amusement. He didn’t slow his chewing either, chasing the last crumbs around his plate with the tip of a licked finger. “It’s been a long time since dinner.” And that meal had been dire, the new hire able to burn even the pasta water. God knew what he’d put together for Tom’s breakfast, let alone for his next clients.
For a long, desperate moment, Jude wished himself back aboard the Aphrodite, miles from this pub he barely recognised and lost beach that spelt financial disaster.
“Come on.” Rob pulled Jude’s empty plate towards him. “That didn’t touch the sides. I’ll make you another.” His offer was phrased like a command. Jude almost dug his heels in until he took in a quick shift in Rob’s expression that was almost beseeching. He followed him to the kitchen in silence, Rob speaking once the door shut.
“You’re going to tell me to piss off out of your pub,” Rob said as he buttered more bread with more force than was needed. “I can see it written all over your face. Have done several times this morning already, and somehow I just annoyed you again.” He sounded calm, but when he set the knife down, Jude saw his hand was shaking. “You know that I wondered for ages what the fuck it was that