he’d run down the hill instead of driven. He stepped into an embrace that did nothing to help Jude cool down, his kiss so soft and giving, opening to Jude without hesitation. Rob broke away to ask a quiet, “Any news?” before leaning in for another kiss after Jude shook his head. This one was more consoling, and given with so much tenderness that Jude could hardly breathe after it ended. Instead, he let Rob pull him closer, his forehead finding safe harbour in the crook of Rob’s shoulder.
How could something so simple as this—a shared kiss, a pair of arms that opened for him, an offer to brace him while his head felt this heavy—how could this one man be everything he needed?
That was a second brand-new truth that lifted him like a smaller wave hidden behind a first high one. He remembered when his dad first taught him how to swim in the sea, reminding him not to panic. It didn’t matter if tall waves swamped him, he’d instructed. Another wave would be right behind it ready to lift him if he’d let it. And that was exactly how it felt to Jude right then, Rob being there to raise him up when sinking had seemed certain. Rob did so much more than buoy him.
After everything else that was so complicated, putting how he felt into words was easy.
“I love you so much.”
Rob’s arms around him tightened. “So you should.” He joked although his voice was thicker than usual. “Love you too.” He spoke quietly but his next swallow was audible. “For however long you need me,” he added as if there was any reason in the world Jude wouldn’t. Jude leaned back to say so just as a shout came from farther down the quayside.
“Hey!” Louise stood outside the Anchor next to a stack of Rob’s auction chairs and tables. “Can you two lovebirds stop snogging for long enough to do some real work?” Her hair whipped in the breeze, and she slid a hair-comb through to tame it without looking, just like their mum used to.
“What do you say?” Rob held out a hand. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah.” Jude threaded his fingers through Rob’s and they walked back to the Anchor together. “I’m ready,” he said, even though it turned out he truly wasn’t.
The phone rang at the end of the lunch service.
Jude heard it at the same time as Louise, who appeared in the bar doorway, her knuckles white around the damp cloth she held just as Jude’s blanched around the kitchen door jamb. Trevor got to the office to pick up before the caller rang off, his back to the door by the time both Jude and Louise got there.
They both were close enough to hear him say, “Hello, you’ve reached the New Anchor. How may I help you?” as if he was about to take a dinner booking, and they both saw the pencil he’d plucked from the desk drop to the floor with a clatter.
Trevor’s back straightened suddenly, but Jude felt like his own was missing its spine, and perhaps Louise felt that collapse might come in the next second as well. Her grip on his hand should have been painful. Jude barely felt it, numb until Rob arrived and said, “Hold on.” Both Jude and Louise did as he instructed, clutching each other as all of Trevor’s breath hissed out.
“No!” Trevor almost yelled into the phone receiver. “No!” He did shout that time, and Jude felt his whole world grind to a full stop, once more.
This was what he’d expected.
This was also what he’d hoped would never happen.
Trevor turned to face them, the phone still held to his ear, his eyes swimming.
“No,” he said once more. “This isn’t Jude speaking.” A tear fell, followed by another. “It’s Trevor Mirren.” His voice was so thick. “It’s me. Trev.”
“Who is it?” Louise’s grasp on Jude tightened again, but he didn’t notice the sting of her nails. Instead, the moment Trevor next spoke, a new unsteadiness rocked him as if another storm had struck Porthperrin, fierce enough to wash away more than only the beach, wild enough to shove Jude’s whole stalled world back onto its axis.
Trevor said, “I expect you want to talk to your children, Simon,” and Jude’s world finally started to revolve, once more.
35
Once he took the telephone from Trevor, Jude couldn’t keep pace with the rate his world turned. His head spun as he crouched so Louise could share the receiver,