eyeing Preston.
“We’re totally kidding. We just thought we’d mess with you guys. We figured you would mob us when you saw the duct tape and handcuffs. We had no idea you’d be so good at this.” Marlowe gave Athena an impressed look. “I should have known. You’re organized and you probably had them eating out of your hand.”
“No. Definitely not that. Preston was really good at playing games with them, and I think they’re just starved for attention. They snuggled and listened to stories for a really long time.”
Marlowe’s face fell a little and Blair looked serious as well. “We know. We probably should have done this earlier, but we were just hoping that Pastor Gus would snap out of it. They need their dad. Although, they do need affection, and they miss their mother as well.”
Athena had to agree with that, and she nodded.
“You all good if we hit the road?” Preston asked.
“We’re good. You guys did all the heavy work.”
“I didn’t get the dishes done,” Athena said.
“Not a problem. We’ve got it.”
They said their goodbyes, then Preston tugged on Athena’s hand, and he followed her out when he opened the door for her.
After they’d stepped off the porch, he said, “How about we just walk here? If you don’t mind?”
“That’s fine,” Athena said, and she fell into step beside him.
He saw that as a good thing, but maybe she was just eager to get this over with, so they could break off whatever it was that they had going between them and go their separate ways.
“I —”
“I —”
They started together, and then laughed.
“You go first,” he said.
“No you. I want to hear what you have to say.”
“Well, I want to hear what you have to say too, but I guess if you don’t mind, I would like to go first.”
“That’s fine.”
He wasn’t sure how to begin. He supposed the best way was to just open his mouth and start saying the things he needed to say. He thought again of what he had been thinking as they sat at the table and she waited for him to pray.
He didn’t want to be somebody he wasn’t.
He didn’t want her to fall in love with a man he’d made up, and pretended to be long enough to impress her, only to find out he wasn’t what she thought.
That sounded like a good thought to start with.
How to say it?
“It’s tempting to me to be fake, to pretend to be better than I am, because it’s so important to me for you to think well of me, and for years I know you didn’t. And rightfully so.”
“It’s not that I didn’t. I was just so angry that you were wasting everything you had.”
“You’re right. I was wasting my life. “
“And you had so much potential.” She shook her head. “Have. You have so much potential.”
He took three more steps, biting his tongue and thinking about that one.
“Have?”
“Of course. You’re brilliant. You always have been. But you’re funny and you’re fun and you’re smart but you’re not a stick in the mud. Your parents have a business, and you were helping them in it, doing great things. You could be a true example to other believers. If you were to get right.”
“You’re right about that. I guess. Deacon said there were lessons to be learned from Shane death. I thought he was crazy at first. I didn’t see any lessons. But there are.”
When he didn’t go on, she prompted him. “What?”
He thought that was a good sign too. At least she was interested in what he had to say.
“Everything I do is a choice. Everything that’s happened to me is my choice. I realized that I can choose to feel the pain of Shane death. I can choose to hear the scream. I can choose to hear it cut off. I can choose to replay that over and over in my head.”
And he had. For years he had. Not even realizing it was a conscious choice.
But it had been.
He had chosen to waste his life that way. No more.
“Or I can choose to control my thoughts. I can choose to think about something else instead of drowning the screams out with alcohol. I can choose to replace those thoughts anytime my mind starts to go there with something else."
He looked over at her, curious as to what she was thinking, But her face didn't give anything away. She had one lip pulled in and looked down at the ground.
He felt like it