wasn’t ready. He wouldn’t ever be ready.
Chapter 17
The funeral hadn’t been as hard as he had been anticipating.
Just like several months ago when he’d watched Mr. Hudson’s funeral, seen as Athena stood, a wall of support, beside Mrs. Hudson, she’d done the same for him.
Liam had stood between them, and Athena seemed to know when he needed a gentle hand and when he needed space.
She seemed to know the same for Preston—when she needed to run interference with someone who was pushing too hard with questions, and when she could stand back and let him handle it.
All in all, it’d been a hard day, but the funeral was over, Joyce had been laid to rest, and the last three nightmarish, sleepwalker days were over.
Athena was in the kitchen now, and Liam sat in front of the TV.
Before Preston had come out and sat down on the porch step, he’d asked Liam if he wanted him to sit down beside him, and Liam shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, and Preston had given him a hard look before leaving him alone.
Kinda crazy how sharp a turn his life had taken in the last month.
He felt like it was probably a good direction for the most part, but it made him sad that Joyce had had to die in order for him to see what was right in front of him.
With Joyce’s appearance and the knowledge that he was a father, and the picture of his life, so much shorter than he had thought when he’d started it, then Joyce’s death and coming to grips with Shane’s, he knew he needed to start making some smart decisions.
He leaned his arms on his knees and lined up his fingertips, pressing them together. He didn’t turn when he heard the door open, then close softly.
Maybe he imagined it, because it was faint on the breeze, but he thought he smelled a light dusting of chocolate mixed with coffee. It went down good in his soul. A balm over the chaos and pain, pain that he might have numbed with alcohol, but he hadn’t even considered it, although the thread of longing was there.
He didn’t hear footsteps and he didn’t turn to look, but he could picture her in his mind, her hands behind her, her back leaning against the doorpost, looking out in the darkness with him.
He didn’t need to see her, he didn’t even need to touch her, although he wanted to. It was enough that she was there.
He didn’t know how long they were like that, him sitting, her standing behind him, but it felt like hours went by, yet only a few minutes in some ways, too.
A song had been running through his head. One they’d sung just for fun in choir practice. The words sifted through his thoughts, and it just seemed perfectly right and natural to lift his voice in the night air.
Nearer, still nearer, close to Thy heart,
Draw me, my Savior—so precious Thou art!
Fold me, oh, fold me close to Thy breast;
Shelter me safe in that “haven of rest”;
Shelter me safe in that “haven of rest.”
Nearer, still nearer, nothing I bring,
Naught as an offering to Jesus, my King;
Only my sinful, now contrite heart,
Grant me the cleansing Thy blood doth impart;
Grant me the cleansing Thy blood doth impart.
When his voice trembled on the second verse, hers joined him, soft but confident, bolstering him with her spirit.
It was funny how close a person could feel to someone his voice was blending with. No more comforting feeling than to have their voices mingle and become one.
Two voices. One sound.
Soothing and sweetly beautiful.
Athena came over and put her hand on his shoulder.
Nearer, still nearer, Lord, to be Thine!
Sin, with its follies, I gladly resign,
All of its pleasures, pomp, and its pride,
Give me but Jesus, my Lord, crucified;
Give me but Jesus, my Lord, crucified.
Nearer, still nearer, while life shall last,
Till safe in glory my anchor is cast;
Through endless ages, ever to be
Nearer, my Savior, still nearer to Thee;
Nearer, my Savior, still nearer to Thee!
Chapter 18
The next day, hospice came, and by dinnertime, all evidence of Joyce’s presence had been removed from his home.
He didn’t see Athena, but it was probably better that way. He spent the day with Liam, whom he’d allowed to stay home from school.
They alternated between playing video games, watching movies, and spending the bulk of their time on their knees with their hands in the dirt in the backyard, working on the patio.
He wasn’t sure how Liam felt