good environment for her or for Blue.”
Julia’s soothing hands were the only thing keeping me from going to a bad headspace. “It’s hard to walk away from your parents. Honestly, kids who grow up in abusive homes sometimes have the hardest times severing ties. Trauma is complicated.”
I sighed, and tipped my head up. “I need to get her out of here. She feels bad for them and ends up bringing the baby. I found out today my dad talked her into letting my mom watch Blue a couple of afternoons a week. It’s on the days my father isn’t home, and that usually means my mom isn’t drinking or stressed out from having him around, but with them you never know. And I know my mom loves the baby, and wants to be able to help Sofia, but they’re just not reliable.”
“It must he exhausting, worrying about them all the time. And feeling guilty because you feel that way about your parents. It’s a lot, baby.”
That was it. The guilt about not trusting my parents.
“Yeah.” The word came out in a rush of breath. I felt tired and on edge from thinking about my parents and the pressure I felt to act before something bad happened to Sofia or Blue.
I looked down at her again, the care and worry so obvious on her face. This was all so much. I never knew I could have all this. A woman who made me burn for her, who gave herself to me exactly like I needed it. Someone who fulfilled every want, every desire and then could sit with me in the same bed and make me feel safe enough to say the things I could barely tell myself. I slunk down until we were on our sides, face-to-face, and pressed my mouth to hers.
“You’re incredible. Thank you for coming tonight.”
She returned the kiss and licked the seam of my mouth before pulling away. “It’s the least I can do, since you’ll have to put up with the Ortizes tomorrow.”
I smiled at that and pushed closer, a warm feeling spreading in my chest when I thought of spending time with her family.
“I like hanging out with your folks, and I can’t wait to try the sancocho. I’ve only ever had it in restaurants and I know it’s gotta be better homemade.”
I felt a ghost of a smile on my shoulder, and when she spoke I could hear it in her voice. “Pura and Yolanda don’t mess around when it comes to sancocho. Prepare yourself to go into meat shock. They put so many kinds in that thing.”
“I can’t wait. It’ll be nice to go to your place.”
Neither of us had to say how different being with her family would be from being with mine.
I was drifting in the silence when Julia spoke. “You have to get your sister and yourself out of here. It’s not good for any of you.”
She held herself tightly and just out of my reach. Like she knew it was the right thing to do and say but also meant that we’d lose what we had right now. Or maybe when she said it like me, she thought of Dallas as a possible place for the three of us to start fresh. Maybe the city where I’d found her could be the right amount of distance between me and my parents. But I didn’t ask her. I couldn’t bear to hear her tell me that the thought of me permanently in Dallas had never occurred to her.
Julia
“I can’t believe you’re already leaving in two days. We’ll miss you.”
I froze in the middle of rolling up a pair of jeans and found my mom standing in the doorway of my bedroom. Rocco had left earlier and after some heated kisses on my parents’ porch he’d gone back to his hotel. We would see each other when I got back, but I was already fretting about the more permanent separation coming in just a few weeks.
As soon as he left, I’d come back into the house and started arranging my clothes in my suitcase as if packing would make the time go faster. Everything about what I was feeling confused me. Rocco had obligations to his sister and I needed to keep living my life, making a go of things in Dallas. Those two things were not happening in the same place. I could’ve told him last night to consider a move south. That maybe the New York City suburbs