to see… maybe I could come in? Just for a few minutes?”
Biting down on my lip, I hesitate before nodding. “You have to be quiet, okay? My mom’s asleep.”
He draws a cross over his heart, and I lift my window higher so he can fit through. I step back, watch him climb in, first his arms, then his upper body, and then he’s army crawling across my floor with his legs still out the window. When he’s all the way in, his feet hit the floor with a thud. “Connor!” I whisper-yell, my finger to my lips as I listen for any movement. I’m not sure what would be worse, Mom waking or Trevor knowing there’s a boy in my room.
“Sorry.” He grimaces. “That was harder than it looked.”
I switch on the light on my nightstand and watch him look around my room. There’s nothing in here but my bed, desk, and bookshelf. “It’s… different from what I imagined.”
“What did you imagine?” I ask, sitting on the edge of my bed.
He sits down next to me, his giant frame almost comical on such a small bed. “I don’t really know.”
“It was supposed to be temporary,” I admit, looking down at my feet, shame washing through me. “We weren’t supposed to be here this long. I guess part of me was hoping for a miracle. Maybe William would come back and save us or—”
“Ava,” he interrupts, nudging my side. “You forget we live next door. My dad works full-time and only has me to worry about, and that’s all he can afford. There’s nothing wrong with where we live, and that’s not what I was getting at. I just meant that… I don’t know. I thought there’d be pictures on the walls or something.”
Not in here, I don’t say. “Of what? All my imaginary friends?”
He sighs, rubs his eye with the heel of his palm. “Rhys is your friend.”
“Rhys feels sorry for me.”
“Karen misses you.”
I can’t help the flash of jealousy that knots my stomach. “You talk to Karen?”
“I mean, sometimes. I talked to her tonight.”
My voice cracks when I ask, “About me?”
He settles his hand on my leg, and I can’t help but think that his guilt put it there. “She asked about you. About us. And I told her how much I love you.”
His answer is perfect. Too perfect. My old insecurities come back to me, and I swallow the lump in my throat.
“Ava,” he says through a sigh. “What’s wrong?”
I don’t look up when I answer, “Nothing.”
He sighs again, this one heavier. “Are you mad that I went out tonight?”
“No.”
“Because I needed it, Ava. I need to get the guys on my side so I can… I’ve just been under a lot of stress, and I just wanted a night out, but the whole time I was there, all I wanted was to be with you, and now I’m here and...”
And I couldn’t even be there for him if I wanted to. I’m not able to carry his stress like he carries my pain. I turn to him. “I’m sorry I haven’t been there.”
“I don’t expect you to be, Ava.” Even though he said it so matter-of-fact, so innocently… the truth behind those few words shatters any dignity I have left. He adds, “I told you I don’t want anything more from you than you, and I meant it.”
But it’s not enough anymore.
And maybe I’m not enough.
He shifts, getting more comfortable on my bed. His back to the wall, he pats his lap. “Come here.”
I ignore the blinding ache in my chest and move to him, straddling his lap.
His hands settle on my thighs while mine go to his shoulders. “I came here for my goodnight kiss, remember?”
Nodding, I close my eyes, hide my doubt, and press my lips to his. His mouth opens, wanting more, and so I give him what he wants. It doesn’t take long for his hands to wander, first to my butt, then my breasts, under my top. His kisses move down, down, down, while his hands move up, up, up taking my tank with him. I do the same with him, our bare chests pressed together as he holds me to him, shifts us until I’m underneath him and he’s between my legs. He starts to unbutton his jeans and then unzip his fly, and if this is what he came here for… if this is what he wants from me… I’ll give it to him. It’s the least he deserves, the