him.
He needed a long, hot shower and a good meal. Then, he’d go home and attempt to escape into sleep. Last night’s disastrous fuck ups had left him distraught and wrung out. He’d finally slept for eight hours, but woke up anxious and pissed off.
Once again, he was back at square one.
***
Ryder sank into his recliner, turned on the television and knocked back a whiskey.
He’d channeled his anger over Zoe into his role-play with Milla last night. All he could see during his time with Milla was Zoe’s face. It both turned him on and majorly pissed him off.
Milla needed to use their safe word. That had never happened to him.
Ever.
He’d apologized more than once, but she’d simply grinned, ruffled his hair and told him that’s what the safe word was for.
He respected his bed partners, and wanted them to feel comfortable with him. The fact Milla had needed to use the safe word at all proved to him how out of control he’d become, and that was completely unacceptable.
He’d gotten off, but finally finding release left him exhausted and anxious when it usually calmed him.
Zoe had been so hurt when he left last night. The expression on her face had destroyed him. He hadn’t helped the situation by punching walls. If you looked at things from her point of view, he probably seemed like one messed up motherfucker.
Right now, he wouldn’t disagree.
Pouring himself another whiskey, he flipped through the television channels to find something boring to watch. He needed to sleep.
His cell phone buzzed, and he groaned when he saw the security guard number on his phone, alerting him to a guest. He didn’t want company. He just wanted to zone out. Ryder talked to the guard, who let him know Nic and Fally were at the gate.
His doorbell rang a few minutes later. Nic held a bottle of wine, and Fally carried a six-pack of beer. “We come bearing gifts,” said Nic, smiling.
“Nic. Fally. What’s going on?”
Nic hooked a thumb at Fally and stepped inside. “This one here is worried about you. So, I came to invade your privacy and ask you a bunch of personal questions.” She headed for the kitchen.
“Make yourself at home, Nic,” Ryder called.
“Don’t I always?” she yelled back. “Wine or beer, Ryder?”
“Wine.”
“What the fuck, Fally? Now you’re mouthing off about my personal life to your wife?”
Fally raised an eyebrow. “She’s my wife, Irish. Of course I tell her shit. Besides, Nic understands.”
It was true. Nic knew all of Fally’s kinky sexual shit and loved him anyway. According to Fally, Nic didn’t mind trying new things. They both seemed happy and satisfied.
Ryder took a wine glass from Nic and sat on his recliner.
“What’s up, Ry?” Nic asked. “Start from the beginning.”
He sighed. “Nic, I know you want to help, but—”
“Do yourself a favor,” she said, cutting him off. “Save your bullshit protests, and tell me about the girl. I’m not leaving until I know what’s up.”
She wouldn’t leave, either. Nic was more stubborn than Fally.
Ryder scrubbed a hand down his face and began to tell them everything—from the night he met Zoe, up until last night with Milla.
He wasn’t proud of himself, but he wasn’t embarrassed either. Nic had known him long enough that he considered her one of the guys.
“Did you tell her about Danielle?” asked Nic.
“No. Why does that matter? That’s in the past.”
Nic leaned forward and put her hand on his arm. “It matters, Ry, because your past is affecting the decisions you’re making now.”
“Bullshit.”
“Really? Instead of trying to make things right with Zoe last night, you got pissed and screwed someone else. Are you going to keep running from your real feelings and settle for women like Milla forever?”
“I’ve never settled,” he said, bristling. “I choose how I live my life. That’s not settling.”
“All you’ve done is settle,” Fally told him. “You keep choosing the easy way out.”
Fally pointed at Ryder. “I slept with lots of women, and did crazy shit before I married Nic because it was fun for me. You’ve been burying your dick in a different woman every night for seven years so you can forget the past. When does it stop?”
Ryder seethed with anger. “You’re about one second away from getting your pretty face messed up by my fist.” He stood and took a step toward Fally.
Fally got up. “And you still didn’t answer my question.” The men stood nose to nose, glaring at each other, fists clenched.
“Ry!” Nic jumped between the two men. “We love