a big one. And it came and went so quick.
We just got done telling each other we loved each other and…
I just got done telling you how I feel.
And one letter on the floor changed everything we knew.
I’m alone in a hotel, thinking about you.
On the tour bus, miles pulling me away from you.
I’ll run from the sunrise to try to go back in time to tell you I love you sooner.
The door opened and Nash entered the room.
“Writing a song?” he asked.
“No.”
Nash leaned against the wall. “So what are you going to do about this?”
“About what?” I asked.
“Are you going to let her get away?”
“She wanted to get away.”
“So?”
“Nash…”
He snapped his fingers. “Hey. What the fuck is this?”
I stood up and threw the guitar across the room. “It’s the truth, Nash. Everything we just said to each other is the truth. It’s why we never hooked up back then. And it’s why doing it now was a mistake. Two separates lives, man. Okay? That’s all we are. I’m lost over Mitchy dying. She’s lost over her mother dying. We used that pain to comfort one another. It’s done now.”
“Wow,” Nash said. “Didn’t take you to be such a pussy.”
“Say that again and I’ll put your head through that door.”
“All I know is that my drummer… a guy I consider a brother… he’s always known who he’s loved. You never talked about her. You kept her in your heart. Until she showed up. I’ve never seen you this complete before. Now you’re letting it slip away. This one is on you, Sab.”
Nash left the room.
I sat back down.
The whiskey was my new best friend.
Years of practice taught me how to play a show while drunk.
Yeah, we had a bit of a rule that said you couldn’t get so drunk you fucked up a show. That was what Mitchy used to do. He used to ruin shows for us. Back then there wasn’t social media, which was good, because he would have been plastered all over the internet with his antics.
I played the show like it was my last show with the band.
The crowd was big, loud, and I tried my hardest to let them replace the hole Bree left.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
What she was doing. Where she was.
If she was sitting in her apartment alone.
If she was with Mia, tearing me to shreds.
If she was with some guy looking for comfort.
The show became a process for me.
From behind the kit to the barstool with the acoustic guitar.
Then back behind the kit.
Throwing drumsticks into the crowd.
When we played the last song and I smashed my sticks against the cymbals for that last goodbye to the show, I felt nothing.
I stood up and walked to the front of the stage to meet the band so we could take a bow.
In the front row, I noticed a woman with bright, blonde hair, a low-cut FILTHY LINE shirt, and she was reaching for me, screaming my name. She was bouncing… and I mean bouncing…
I moved to the very edge of the stage and crouched down.
I twirled one of the drumsticks in my hand and handed it to her.
She screamed louder and put her hands together, begging me, then pointed to the backstage area.
I finally found the ability to smile.
The closest security guard looked at me.
I nodded to him and pointed to the woman.
She covered her cheeks and looked shocked.
When I stood up and turned, Nash was right there, his hand to my chest.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he yelled at me in front of twenty thousand fans.
“Doing what I should have done a long time ago,” I called out. “Forgetting her.”
I pushed by Nash and walked off the stage.
I dropped my other drumstick to the floor and waited for my date to arrive.
The security guard ushered her toward the backstage area and when I saw her again, she froze in place and covered her mouth.
She ran up to me and threw her arms around me.
“Hey, babe,” I said with my lips near her ear. “You can’t cover your mouth tonight… okay?”
She laughed. “This is crazy. This is so fucking crazy…”
I touched her hip and backed away. “He’ll bring you to me when I’m ready, okay? What are you drinking?”
“Anything you are,” she said.
Her eyes were dazed with stars.
This was the exact kind of relationship I was meant to have.
She was obsessed with me. I’d get what I’d want.
She’d get a story.
Then I’d never see her again.
I walked away to the back