looked up at him. “That was my decision to make and you made it for me. I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to know. Why would I want to know, Sab? Why is all this happening to me? Why did my mother do this?”
“I don’t know, babe,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to do this. You have to believe me. What I thought…” Sab shook his head.
“What? What did you think?”
Sab stepped away and gave me a clear path down the stairs.
“You don’t know how to make a move in life, Bree,” Sab said. “That’s the truth. You got stuck in that town. You work at your best friend’s mother’s gift shop. That’s your life? That’s your career? No big dreams?”
“Are you serious right now?”
Sab looked at me. He nodded. “You never wanted anything more for yourself? And how does this matter to your mother and birth parents? It matters… a lot. Your mother died, Bree. She died in a car accident. And you haven’t faced it. You haven’t thought about your life. You took off. With me. Which was a good decision, but you’re still avoiding it all. And with your birth parents? You’d just think about it all the time. You’d go back and forth. You’d never make a decision. Then you’d either regret it or you’d build it up in your head and get let down.”
“Really? You went through all that thinking on your own, Sab?”
“I did.”
“And at what point were you going to ask me what I wanted?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “But now you know. Your birth parents are alive. And there’s an address. Now you can decide what to do. I thought I could be the one to be there with you. For you.”
“You’re a rock star, Sab. You’re not Sebastian anymore. You have to play shows. Record music.”
“See? You’re doing it right now. Making excuses. I could be on stage in Sweden and if you needed me, I’d walk off the stage and fly to get to you.”
“And what kind of pressure does that put on me?” I asked. “I’d ruin your dream. Nothing ever happened between us back then, Sab, because you had a dream and I knew I would ruin it.”
“No,” he said. “That’s the cheap way out of this.”
“I’m going to take your advice to heart,” I said. “I’m leaving to go face it all. You’re right. I took off. With you. I pretended like nothing happened. I got to be a rock star’s girlfriend for a little while. But now I have to go be real.”
“You don’t think this is real?” Sab asked.
“I didn’t say that,” I said. “And you know what, Sab? Fuck you. Fuck you for assuming I got stuck in that town. I want to live there. I want to work with Mia. Gina’s shop is busy. I have a career. People depend on me. I survive. Okay? I’m sorry I’m not fucking famous or have millions of dollars and I’m sorry I don’t fuck a new stripper each night…” My throat tightened. “I just… goodbye, Sab. Just… goodbye.”
I ran down the stairs.
My eyes filled with tears again.
When I got outside the hotel, a car was waiting for me.
“Bree?” the driver asked.
“Who the hell are you?” I asked.
“I’m Dan,” he said. “I was told by Toby and Sab to make sure you got home safely. I’m driving you home. You tell me where that is and I’ll make sure you get there safe.”
I nodded
Dan opened the back-passenger door for me.
He smiled.
I had no desire to smile.
I looked over my shoulder, secretly wishing Sab was standing outside the building.
If he was, I would have ran to him and hugged him and begged him to hold me forever.
But he wasn’t there.
It was time for me to go home.
21
SAB
The show must go on.
That was the worst feeling in the fucking world.
Walking through that hotel room that lingered with her smell. And the smell of us.
The fact that she took the fucking envelope with the address…
Meaning what?
That she wanted it? That I wasn’t so wrong after all?
Or maybe she tossed it in a trashcan on the way out the door.
The band was quiet when we left the hotel.
They stayed quiet on the tour bus.
It was depressing and I couldn’t take it.
I ended up in the back of the bus with a guitar and a bottle of whiskey. Add a broken heart to that mix and you had the makings of a good song.
Taking that risk to love Bree was