with all their might to propel me out of this garage, through my house and straight to Lana.
She didn’t say a word on the way home from the hospital as if there was nothing left inside of her anymore. I know her heart is truly my other half, because I swear I could hear the fracture through her chest echo around the bathroom when my heart broke alongside hers.
Growing up, I never saw Lana stand up for herself, she let things happen and she didn’t change them. The woman I saw today is far from that insecure girl I left behind. She took a hit, and still stood strong wanting to help her brother. I wanted to carry her out of the bathroom and demand she never see him again. It took everything for me to remember I’m not her knight in shining armor, I’m the man she didn’t believe in, someone she let go all too easily.
Anger seeps into every crevice and vein in my body. I can’t hold it in any longer. My heart beating uncontrollably, I slam my hands along the workbench, shoving all the tools and engine parts in my way to the ground. Thankfully the thundering of metal hitting the concrete floor drown out my tormented roar. My chest rises and falls painfully. I turn around and stare through the glass doors, up at my home. My eyes feel as if they could burn a hole right through the wall to the bedroom, where I know Lana is probably curled into a ball, crying.
In a perfect world, I’d take her to my bed and make her forget. My fingers would caress every inch of my Dove’s skin, and my stare would convey the thoughts in my mind as I’d remember each and every moment I fell more in love with her. Each thrust inside her would be a new promise that my devotion is forever. My rough kisses would sear Lana’s memories, causing the ashes of the past and present to float away. They have no place in the world or the future I would build just for her. She would never need another person again.
But the world I live in is far from perfect.
***
Dark shadows begin to creep over the engine I’m working on. Work has been a great distraction to stop my mind from wandering back to Lana. I think about turning on the garage lights to keep going, but I decide it’s time to call it a day. If I could stay out here until I know my brothers are asleep to avoid their knowing stares, I would, but I’ve held myself off as long as I can to go in and check on Lana.
I hope she’s eaten, showered and talked to one or all my brothers. I hope she gets all the shit she’s been through today off her chest because I don’t know if I can keep my distance if I see her break down again.
I scrub my hands with soap in the garage sink, dry them and walk out through the glass door I almost shattered earlier when I felt so raw. Walking across my backyard, the first thing I notice is the fresh-cut grass. I shake my head, surprised I’d gone so far into my own head that I never once heard one of my brothers use the mower. Almost to the backdoor, the smell of fryer grease and spices hit me. My stomach rumbles, reminding me I haven’t eaten since breakfast.
I step inside and as I do, Kelso’s horrible out-of-tune singing voice hits me and I cringe at the sound. He’s doing equally bad dance moves standing over the stove with earphones in. A soft giggle to my right gets my attention and I find Piper watching Kelso while she stands behind Pacer at the entry of the kitchen. There’s a phone in Pacer’s hand, the camera pointed directly at Kelso, who must be making his favorite stir-fry, the one he puts a fuck-load of spices into.
I can’t help the grin that appears on my face, because when Kel finds out Pacer filmed him, it’s going to be on. Last time those two went at it, they almost broke all the photo frames in the house. Della had a shit fit and tipped the television forward and threatening to break it if they didn’t stop. Slater put the boys on their asses quickly at that point. We all know not to mess with Slater’s favorite toys. And