been, I didn’t want any visual evidence.
“Because Wilhem’s true mate is waiting for the six-hundred-year-old dumbass to grow up,” she replied, sitting down next to Martha. “Catriona is simply a dalliance, but don’t tell her. She would implode.”
“Wilhem said she’s been wandering the grounds.”
Anastasia looked doubtful. “I took a walk earlier and didn’t see her, but you have extensive and beautiful grounds.”
“Thanks,” I replied, wanting to end the talk of Wilhem and his icky sidekick. “What about you?”
“What about me?” she shot back suspiciously.
“Do you have a mate waiting for you to grow up?”
Anastasia was quiet for a long moment. “No. I do not. And honestly, even though I’m painfully aware that my father is trying to help me out with that, I’m fine on my own. I refuse to settle like Wilhem seems so keen to do. I’ve waited over five hundred years. A few hundred more will make no difference. I want what you and Ethan have, and I’ll settle for nothing less.”
My sister-in-law had balls. I loved women who had large metaphorical cojones. “And you will have it,” I told her. “I can feel it.”
Anastasia simply smiled sadly.
And now, unfortunately, I had to politely ask her to leave… “We have a meeting with Satan in a few minutes. How about you and I meet in the fight training room later this afternoon and have a rematch of our race?”
Anastasia took the hint. She stood and gave me a warm hug. “Sounds good. I’m on a winning roll today, so beating you should be a cinch.”
“In your dreams, Vampyre,” I said, hugging her back.
“We shall see,” she replied as she disappeared in a blast of icy pink glitter.
“I like that foul-mouthed gal a lot,” Martha said. “We’re gonna do a real special concert for her.”
“Yep,” Jane confirmed. “I’m thinking some Celine Dion and Elvis with a little Prince and a dash of Queen thrown in.”
“Sounds frightening,” I told them.
“Thanks,” Jane said.
“Welcome.”
“What do we do now?” Martha asked.
“We wait,” Ethan said, striding into the room with a grim expression on his handsome face.
“For?” Jane asked.
“The Devil,” he replied in a clipped tone. “I do not enjoy owing the Lord of the Underworld anything. But right now, I’m willing to owe a few favors if he can shed any light on what’s happening.”
“Well, just like we have Astrid’s back, we’ve got yours too,” Jane told him, patting him on the head like he was a child. “We’re gonna let the Devil steal the butthole.”
“That sounds rather alarming,” Ethan said, completely confused.
“Don’t you worry your pretty undead head about anything,” Martha said. “Like my asshat partner said, we’ve got your back.”
Ethan glanced over at me, and I winked. His body relaxed slightly. He nodded to Martha and Jane. “Thank you. It is appreciated… I think. Why don’t you two go to the Situation Room? There’s a discussion about eliminating Zombies. If you’d like to truly have our backs, I think that would be the wisest use of your time right now.”
“You got it,” Martha said. “And we can teach everyone how to remove a sphincter.”
“Or not,” I said.
“We’re at your disposal, Hot Pants and Tatas LaSkin-Sacks,” Jane told Ethan and me, stealing one of Anastasia’s boob terms. “Always.”
Ethan grinned and shook his head. “As terrifying as that is, again, I thank you for everything.”
Little did he know that he was thanking them for setting the Devil up to steal a butthole, but I knew he’d get a kick out of it. I’d save the entire story for later… when we needed to laugh.
Chapter Twelve
The atmosphere was so tense you could cut it. Uncle Fucker had arrived and thrown a fit that we’d duped him about the office supplies. Luckily—not for him—he was eyeing the wrapped gift with plans of pilfering it. As long as he didn’t open it here, we’d be fine.
The Devil was not wearing Prada. He was wearing a powder-blue train conductor’s uniform and red cowboy boots. It was adorable. I wasn’t sure if he was aware that he hadn’t changed into an Armani suit, but decided not to mention it. He was already put out enough.
But that wasn’t the main problem.
Satan’s tantrum about getting tricked was nothing compared to Levi’s behavior. His glare directed at Satan was so vicious that even the Devil himself was thrown off-kilter. Neither Ethan nor I had known about this ugly wrinkle. I half-expected Ethan to ask Levi to leave. Although, now that I was privy to the animosity, I wanted to understand