what was so important about it all.
If I’m not taking and posting photos though, what am I going to do with my time?
I’ve worked hard for years, trying to build a name and brand for myself, and I do enjoy it most of the time.
But it’s also a lot of pressure to make sure I post consistently and think of different shots and themes. In the scheme of things, it’s nothing compared to what Tanner and Leon are doing, but literally the only thing that keeps me going is my passion for it.
If that’s gone, what then?
I love that Rowan is here, putting plans in place to start a business he’s passionate about. I’ll help him of course, but this is his thing, and when it comes to personal training and exercise, I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather be doing less.
But I also can’t think of anything I’d rather be doing more either.
I have no clue where I go from here.
I couldn’t believe it when Leita messaged and invited both me and Circus over. I’m not getting my hopes up, but the fact she didn’t ask me to come solo can only be a good sign.
Right?
Jesus, I don’t know. This whole thing has had my stress levels at ten, and every time I imagine this catch-up going well, I picture at least ten more scenarios where it doesn’t.
We walk side by side up the garden path toward the front door. There’s a lot of noise coming from inside, and I’m pretty sure my nephews must be overthrowing a continent with all the yelling going on. It makes my heart hurt, trying to imagine not seeing their faces anymore. I’ve already missed out on way too much time in their lives.
“Hey, guys,” Laurie says as he meets us at the front door. “Leita’s just putting some snacks together.” He shakes my hand, then Circus’s, and there’s no hint of anything wary about him. Another good sign.
“Uncle Ro!” Jase collides with my side like the little tornado he is. “Can you come help me with Mario Kart? Levi never lets me win.”
I laugh. “Not right now, buddy. But let me talk to your mom and I will.”
He runs off with a “Levi, you’re in trouble now!”
God, those kids melt my heart. When I look over at Circus, he’s wearing the same dicky smile as I am, but his is directed my way. “What?”
“Nothing at all.”
Uh-huh.
This whole thing is so much easier with him by my side.
We reach the kitchen, and Laurie takes a seat at the counter just as Leita pulls a tray of mini quiches out of the oven.
“Rowan, Circus, hey. Do you want coffee? Something stronger?”
“I’ll make it.” I hurry into the kitchen, but Leita gently pushes me out again.
“I like looking after my guests. Now sit your ass down.”
I’m certainly not going to argue with her. Circus has already grabbed a stool, so I quickly slip onto the one between him and Laurie.
“So you guys are dating?” Leita finally asks once she’s finished making drinks for us all.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to deny it, total reflex, but Circus grabs my hand resting on the counter and answers for me.
“We are. And if it wasn’t for your parents, we probably would have started a long time ago.”
She hums, watching me. “Were you together in high school?”
That one I can deny. “No. I wanted to be, but … I was too messed up.”
“So what changed?”
“I tried to date women in Portland, but it never went anywhere. Then I saw a psychiatrist and basically worked through a lot of the lies I’d been telling myself for years. It’s still hard, but it’s not possible to walk away from Circus again. I love him.”
Leita smiles at that. “I did always wonder. I mean, I didn’t really think you were together or anything, but you were closer with Circus than your other friends. You always came home smiling whenever you’d been with him.”
I had no idea I’d been that obvious. Oops?
“And then when you started hanging out again, and you were hardly around—”
“I was here every week to babysit.”
She laughs. “I know, I’m not saying you disappeared. But Mom and Dad mentioned you must have been seeing someone because you were being quiet about who you were spending your days off with. I’m not sure I jumped right to that conclusion, but I figured it was Circus you were with.”
The fact she’s just covered all that and doesn’t look ready