sure they’d come around. Mom and Dad are the real wild cards. They’re the giant question mark that’s hanging over my declaration, and honestly, if they turned their backs on me … that’s the part I’m not sure I could get past.
But I’m so. Damn. Tired.
I’m tired of hiding and fighting with myself. I’m tired of not being able to find someone I can fall in love with and plan a future around.
Fueled by my anger, I pull out my phone, pick out one of the photos I took of Circus last night, and take a moment just to appreciate the way my heart gets an extra boost of life at the sight of him.
Imagine what it would be like to have that every day.
And selfishly, I want it.
Waking up next to him this morning was like waking up but realizing you’re still dreaming. Even now, it barely feels real.
Though this damn headache has a lot to do with that.
Considering we’ll be playing up the whole fake dating thing in LA, I can only imagine our hotel room will have one bed, which means I’m going to get to experience that again, and again, until we come back here.
Again.
To this house.
Where I’m starting to feel distinctly unwelcome.
I stare at the photo for a minute more. His smile, my hand in his hair. I look happy.
I upload the photo.
Sometimes the answer is staring you in the face.
I’ve been to LA a couple of times, but Rowan clearly never has. He’s like a dog with his head hanging out of the window, and it makes me laugh to see the sheer enthusiasm. He didn’t go silent on me after what happened the other night, which was a total surprise. And when he showed up at my house that night to watch a movie, I couldn’t pick my jaw up off the floor.
But he has been cagey about what happened at home.
Which is a worry.
That I’m pretending not to think about.
We offload all our stuff at the hotel and take the cab to Preston’s office. He’s set up a couple of shoots for us before the big one starts tomorrow.
“Circus!” He pulls me into a hug and then turns to Rowan. “And the boyfriend. Well, well. I might not swing that way, but you sure did pick a good one. If we could all look like that, am I right?”
“I’m happy just to look at that,” I answer.
Rowan looks torn between laughing and walking out of here. And since we’re here to play boyfriends, I take full advantage and slide my hand into his.
“Come on, sweetheart. This won’t be the last time you’re shamelessly checked out today.”
We take the elevator to the eleventh floor and step out into the Entertainment Management offices. It’s as busy as it always is, and as we cross the foyer, a woman rushes past with a clothing rack.
“Why do I feel like I’ve stepped onto the set of The Devil Wears Prada?”
“Aww … and somehow people don’t know you’re gay.” I bop him on the nose. “A lot of agencies outsource the photography side of things, but EM keep it all in-house. It was one of the perks that attracted me to signing with Preston in the first place.
“Speaking of …” Preston says, jumping into the conversation. “Rowan is going to need to sign a contract with me in order to go ahead with the Gucci job.”
“A contract?”
“Don’t worry, standard stuff. All the same clauses as Circus’s, and I’ve never steered him wrong yet.”
Rowan looks uncomfortable. “I’m not looking to do the modeling thing full-time.”
“No worries, I can sort out brand placement for your photos. But be aware, that means no slogans, no advertisements, not so much as a water bottle from a competing brand if you’re being paid for space on your page.”
I squeeze his hand. “It’s not as complicated as it sounds.”
“Hmm. Sounds more complicated than I was planning.”
“Well, you can thank Circus. I’d already told Gucci you were a solid no and had you written out of the contract.”
Uh-oh. I rack my brain, trying to come up with an excuse.
“Sorry, what?”
“He said he wouldn’t do this without you, so I had to call my contact and tell them to fire the other model they were about to hire.”
I can feel Rowan’s eyes on me, and I wait for his questions, but they don’t come.
Either he didn’t pick up on the awkwardness, or he doesn’t care. I’m not about to argue.
Before we start with the photos,