handle me.
He takes my arms and steers me back toward the couch.
I fall backward and a bit of scotch sloshes out of the bottle and over my hand. Rowan takes it from me as he sits too, so I turn, catch his eyes, then very slowly start to drag my tongue through the alcohol on my fingers.
His groan sends waves of pleasure across my skin. “No more of that.”
“Of what?”
He narrows his eyes. “You’re teasing me.”
“Fucking duh.” I flatten out my tongue and drag it from my wrist, up over my palm.
“Circus …” His voice is husky, and I love the sound.
“If you’re determined to stay …” I wriggle closer and steer the bottle back to his lips. “Drink up, boyfriend.”
He only hesitates a second before he does what I say. “So, is this what you’ve been doing all day? Or do you go visit them too?”
I snort. “Nope, I just drink. I, umm …” I turn away from him and take another sip from the bottle. “I haven’t actually been to their graves. Other than the funeral.”
“What?”
His disbelief puts me on the defensive. “Why the hell would I want to? Like, wow, what an amazing way to remind myself that my only family are dead.”
“Sorry …” he whispers.
The scotch is buzzing in my veins. “I don’t want to talk about them.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
Silence falls between us for a while, Rowan clearly as lost in thought as I am. “I walked out of church this morning.”
The weight of that slides through my drunken haze. “No way, really?”
“Yep. Wasn’t subtle about it either. Halfway through and I was like, fuck this, and left.”
“I’m impressed.”
“Thanks. And now I’m hiding out here so I don’t have to face what my family is going to say about it.”
“Aren’t we a pair?” I ask as he passes the bottle back to me. “We both have family issues. You have too much, and I have none at all. Could you imagine being part of one of those well rounded, healthy family dynamics?”
“Do they exist?”
“The TV says yes.”
His tone turns mocking. “And do we believe everything we see on TV, Circus?”
“Always.”
“Zombies?”
“Totally real.”
“Umbrella Academy?”
“Documentary, right?”
He laughs. I’m addicted. “Explain Elmo to me.”
“What’s to explain? He’s cuddly and red.”
“But why does he laugh so much?”
“Because he’s ticklish, duh.” It gives me an idea. “What about you?”
I wriggle my fingers into his ribs, and he lets out the most adorable laugh as he squirms to get away from me. “Enough, I concede.”
The last thing I want to do is stop, but I remind myself of a thing called self-control which is becoming more and more distant as the drinking goes on. We pass the bottle between us, as we talk about the most stupid things, and every time one of us comes close to talking about our families and bringing down the mood, we wingman each other out of there.
All I wanted when today started was to drink and cry, but Rowan has eased some of that all-consuming pain, and the more time I spend with him, the more relaxed I am.
Well, the more time I spend with him and the scotch.
Because damn I’m buzzed.
“My fingers are all tingly,” I tell him.
He takes one hand and starts to kiss each fingertip. “How do you feel now?”
Am I drooling? “Tingly, but for another reason.”
He smirks and flicks his tongue over one of them. “And now?”
My groan gets stuck in my throat, and before I can answer, he sucks my finger into his mouth.
“Erect,” I gasp. “Definitely feeling erect.”
He lets my hand drop like dead weight into my lap. Rowan presses his lips to my ear. “I was pretending that was your dick.”
A shiver racks my body. “Why are you getting me excited over nothing?”
“Isn’t that what your bottoms up comment was?”
“The difference is, I’m perfectly prepared to follow through.”
“Really …” He shifts closer, sliding his legs underneath mine. “Tell me what you’d have me do to you.”
“Are you sure your poor closeted dick could handle it?”
“He’ll behave. Someone taught me the importance of jerking off before I come here.” His breath is heavy with the taste of scotch, and I know mine isn’t any better. We’re both half-wasted which is the only reason we’re even having this conversation in the first place. Which leads me to the question: Why haven’t we gotten drunk together before now?
“I could make you come here.”
“I have exactly zero doubts about that.” His voice is deep, and despite what he said about jerking off, I’d bet my house