it, I would imagine.”
“How’s he taking all of it?” Jaxon asked. “Nathan.”
“As good as can be expected,” I replied. “For those first few days of the winter break, I literally had to force food down his throat. For being a spoiled, rich brat, he’s fucking strong.”
Jaxon laughed. “You think ol’ Connor was going to leave weight training out of the equation? He was trying to grow himself a little trophy.”
I laughed, though it was far from funny. “I might have expected it.” My face started to burn, imagining Nathan handling me in the bedroom. “He’s…strong.”
Jaxon looked down at me, poking my cheeks, which I was certain were bright red. “Slept with him again, huh?”
“Yep,” I replied.
Jaxon sighed. “You said you weren’t going to.”
“I know,” I responded, “but I love him.”
“I know, kid.” Jaxon set his hand on my head. “I know you do. What if—I don’t know, what if you just went for it? Just put the past behind you and looked forward?”
I glanced up at him. “You know why I can’t do that.”
“I know. All that shit with your dad, but Nathan isn’t like that. Your dad was a monster. What he did to you…” His hands balled into fists. “I wish I could kill him for it. Nathan’s not that guy, though. Nathan’s not a monster. We’ve all said it. He just snapped.”
“So snapping makes it okay for him to rape someone?” I asked. “Cherri didn’t deserve that.”
“Of course not,” Jaxon said. He opened his mouth and tried to say something, but he stopped. “I don’t know. I’m not defending what he did.”
“You’re not?”
“No,” Jaxon barked. “I’m not. I know what he did was fucked up, and no, it’s not okay that he snapped. Cherri got the brunt of it, and she didn’t deserve that. I’m just saying, are things like that the end-all and be-all for someone? That’s all they get? That one fuck up, and it’s all over?”
“You think they should get more chances to do it?”
“Nikita, you’re starting to piss me off,” Jaxon said. “You know that’s not what I fucking mean.”
“Then what do you mean?” I asked.
“I mean, people like your dad, lock them up and fucking throw away the key, but people like Nathan? He’s not a bad guy, and you know that. Is there any reality in which people make that mistake, as horrible as it is, and then pay their penance and get to move on and be in happy, healthy relationships? Does this one thing just define him for the rest of his life? Fuck how smart he is. Fuck how much he loves his friends. Fuck his sense of humor. Fuck his business prowess. His dad applied more and more pressure until he broke, and now that one thing just defines who he is forever? There’s nothing left for him? Eighteen years old, and he’s done?”
“He made that choice,” I replied, a lump of emotion settling in my throat. “I…” The image of me standing in front of an obviously cracking Nathan, telling him to punch me or fuck me or do whatever he had to do to alleviate his stress, whipped across my brain. “There were other options.”
Jaxon started to gently rub my head, and I could see why Colette called him to comfort her. He was oddly good at it. “Are there only two extremes in this situation? There’s no redemption?”
My parents popped into my brain then. Poor, sobbing young Nikita, begging her mom to listen and cowering from her dad. I would never want my mom nor my dad to be happy for as long as either of them lived. With everything that had gone down with Cherri and Deon, I could only imagine Cherri felt the same.
“For Cherri’s sake and mine, I certainly hope not.”
“Damn,” Jaxon said. “Then, I’m sorry, but you need to start moving on.”
“Yeah,” I replied, tears coming loose and sliding down my cheeks. “I don’t know how, though.”
“It’s gonna be a teaching experience for us both,” Jaxon said, “but you know I’m here for you, right?”
I nodded, smiling up at my best friend. “Yeah. I know.”
He glanced from me to just past me where his car was sitting. “I don’t like seeing the people I love hurting.”
Part of me wanted to ask if that was Jaxon’s way of admitting he was in love with Colette, but I decided not to disrupt the moment any further. I laid my head back on Jaxon’s knee and let him slowly and softly caress my