definitely meant to be yours too. I could see it in your eyes.
I don’t know what happened though. It was a kick to the balls to see you loading up your daddy’s truck and taking off. I thought it was just a temporary thing, but then, I heard your asshole next door neighbor talking about how you were finishing school somewhere else. What happened? I don’t understand at all! Why did you go? Why didn’t you tell me? Did your dad send you away to keep you from me? If he did, I’m so sorry baby. I didn’t mean to fuck up your life. Shit, there I go again. I can’t even keep from fucking up a letter to you with my language. How the hell was I ever supposed to keep from fucking up your life?
I lie awake at night and dream of you.
I know, it doesn’t make sense, but it’s true. I just lie there staring at my ceiling and the next thing I know your beautiful face is front and center. I think about you coming back and running here to be with me. The sweet smell of your shampoo mixed with the scent that’s all yours. Then I hear your laugh as if you were right next to me. It’s almost like living here with your ghost. It feels so real for just a minute and then, before I know it, you just fade away. It’s like watching you get in that truck and ride away all over again.
I hope like hell you come back to me someday, my angel. I’ll be here, waiting for you. When it’s time, when you’re old enough that your parents have no say, I’m coming for you. I’m going to make you mine because this is where you belong. Even if I do fuck up sometimes, there’s no way I can get through this life without you here to be a part of it. I just feel that deep down in my bones. I think you felt it too before you left.
Please, come back to me,
D
“Oh, Lucy!” Lily’s surprised whisper drew my eyes from the pages as tears ran unchecked down my cheeks. “That man was in love with you from the very beginning, honey.”
“I know. I can’t look back and not think of all the time, memories, and moments we lost out on. But would we have lasted if we’d really gotten together when we were so young?”
Lily shrugged her shoulders. “No way to know that. Hell, look at Merc and me. I never would have figured we’d still be together after all this time.”
“When I was in Florida, I used to imagine all the women he was with and how happy they must have been to be a part of his life the way I wished I could be.”
“Honey, one thing I do know for certain, that man loved you and he was never unfaithful. Well, aside from the time that whore got hold of him, and well, shit, that other time that other whore got hold of him too!” She glanced up at me making her eyes really big as if she was surprised, and we both ended up in a fit of giggles.
“Well, when you put it that way!” I told her through my laughter.
“You know what I mean. He was never unfaithful to you. Not by his own doing. And let’s be honest, when that second whore got her claws in him for a night, you were actually with another man, so really…”
“I know! Don’t remind me of him. Like I said, every time I think of the past it makes me wonder ‘what if?’. I can’t go down that road though. That’s not the life we were given, and I don’t want to get lost in the past.”
“That’s good. It’s not a healthy place to be.” She tipped her head toward the box at my feet. “Do you want to read any more of those?”
“Will you stay with me while I do? These are all from the first time we were apart. I’m not sure I can handle everything he might have had to say to me during that time.”
“I think you might be surprised. I have nowhere else to be and honestly, you’re doing me a favor by sharing this. It’s keeping my mind off my boy.”
So, I ended up spending the next three hours reading through some letters CJ had written me when we were so young, it shouldn’t have mattered that