check in on your momma for me while I’m away.”
“You’re leaving again?”
“Remember when I said we had to be ready to move at a moment’s notice?” He waited for a response from me before going on. After a nod from me, he continued. “Well, that means someone has to be there with feet on the ground to move. Even if I flew in from here, we’re at the mercy of the airlines, the weather, anything that malfunctions, crowds, transportation issues, customs even. There are too many cogs in the wheel at any given time to get there in a quick enough timeframe from here.”
“Momma is not going to like losing more time with you. Maybe you should stay behind this time,” I suggested.
“You can’t ask that of me, and your momma would never do it.”
“Just because she wouldn’t doesn’t mean she isn’t silently wishing for that outcome.”
“She knows I have to do this.”
“Why? Why do you have to do this? There are others!”
“I don’t trust them, Ever. I don’t trust anyone else to bring Deck home to you.”
“You know I love you, no matter what, right? My love doesn’t hinge on you getting this right and bringing him back. Having him back is a bonus.”
He didn’t answer verbally. Dad simply nodded at me and then worked his way out of the chair and placed my son in my arms. Archer wiggled his cute little butt around in my arms as he settled to get comfortable against a different person, then his lip wobbled a little bit like he was going to cry.
“It’s okay, little man. Your momma has you now.” Just like magic, my father’s voice settled Archer right down before the crying could start.
“You’re good with babies. Maybe you should have had more of them yourself.”
“Nah, I fucked up enough kids.”
“Dad,” I whispered.
“It’s okay, Ever. I know what I did. Now, promise me, you’ll look after your momma and take care of yourself and my grandbabies too while I’m gone.”
“You know I will,” I told him.
“Not good enough. Promise me.”
“I promise,” I finally relented and let him have what he wanted.
“With any luck, you’ll see me in a few weeks, and I hope like hell that will mean I have Deck with me when I get here.”
Little did I know that weeks would turn to months and the seasons would change again before that happened.
Chapter 18
Goodbyes
Lucy
Once seated in my favorite chair, I pulled the last letter out. It was the only one of the bunch that I hadn’t read yet. Before I tucked in, I reached over and patted the small stack of my own letters. I’d written out to each of my loves, including Toby. Not sure why I felt compelled to do it. I’m guessing going through more of CJ’s letters as he was once again following the cold trail, looking for our son-in-law, made it settle in that our days aren’t promised. His letters were a comfort to me while he was gone on those runs. I figured, if anything ever happened to me, mine might be a comfort to my loves as well.
I’m not sure why I saved this specific letter for last, but it just felt right. From the date on it, CJ had written it just before we left on our retirement trip in the RV to tour the country. Thinking on it made me realize I’d left it for good reason. It was one of the only ones he had ever written me when we were together. All the others had been penned during times when we were apart from one another. That made the last letter special.
My Dearest Lucy,
We’re leaving tomorrow. That trip we fantasized about taking for all of those years, we’re finally doing it, baby! Just you and me, no drama, and lots of love. Is it weird that while I’m excited about it, I’m so damned nervous? I don’t know why either. We’ve been through it all, my love. Births, deaths, being apart too many damn times, and trying to put it all back together again after. There isn’t a damn minute of our lives that we haven’t been fighting to get back to one another.
I guess that’s the thing though, our relationship has been a battle from the beginning. A fucking worthy one, of that there’s no doubt. It just seems odd that we’re rolling out tomorrow without any struggles going on. I know, I know, you’re going to miss the grand babies something fierce and drive