first page I’m showered with paper as all Carlos’s notes to me come flooding out. I shouldn’t start re-reading them, but I can’t help myself; I find myself staring at his charming words, tracing my fingers around the curve of each letter he penned.
How can someone so caring be so quick to dismiss his feelings? Did I really mean so little to him that he can just cut me out like this? A familiar dull ache forms in my chest, pressing down on my heart, why hasn’t he called? Surely he would at least want to say goodbye, even if it is over, don’t I deserve a farewell, no hard feelings, sorry it didn’t work out. Anything would be better than this silence.
Glancing at my watch, it’s ten past five, that’s an hour and a half since Blair left to find him; I suppose it’s possible that he has not had the letter that long and is just thinking on what to do.
This is torture! Picking up the phone I call Blair’s room.
“Hey, did you find him?” I ask as soon as she answers.
“Yeah, I gave him your letter about an hour ago, hasn’t he called?”
“No.”
“He was a bit annoyed that you were having a laugh with me, but I told him not to be stupid, you’d been depressed and pining after him all day and it was just bad timing that he saw us when he did.”
“What did he say to that?” I ask desperately hoping it was enough to re-assure him.
“He just sort of shrugged and walked off, but don’t worry as soon as he reads it I’m sure he will come around, you know what men are like” she tries to settle my distress.
“Yeah I do, that’s the problem.”
Minutes turn to hours and hours lead into the night, its 2am before I accept the fact that he’s not going to call. I’ve bitten my nails half to death with the suspense, but I finally have to admit it’s not going to happen, there’s going to be no happy ever after for us.
The sun rises on my last day, waking me instantly from a disturbed sleep. It’s only 6am but I know attempting to get any more rest will be futile. I’m mentally and now physically exhausted, at least my suitcase is already packed from leaving Carlos’s, all I have to do is chuck in my toiletries and I’m ready to go.
Ready to go, it sounds like a cheerful expression, ready to face the world, ready to have an adventure; it says nothing for my situation, ready to admit defeat and return to gloomy England in even more of a dark place than I left.
Caz had warned me about this, coming home worse off than before, but I couldn’t help it, truth be told I didn’t want to; if it hadn’t ended so badly, it would have been just what I needed. A refreshing change to help me forget all about Jake and realise that there are plenty more fish in the sea; so it all fell apart and damaged me further, so what? In hindsight, if I was given the chance to do it all over, I wouldn’t change a thing.
Well no that’s not entirely true, I would never have spoken to Marcus; what is that guy’s problem? If I weren’t so drained by the last couple of days I’d march round there and give him another piece of my mind.
How messed up do you have to be to destroy your own brothers life, twice, without even knowing anything about it. I know that last time was different, worse, if that’s even possible, but still; what kind of person rocks up out the blue, just to put an end to a relationship? He tried to make out like he was doing it to protect Carlos, but he’s done nothing but hurt him and all for no reason. I didn’t even know about the money till I was already involved, not to mention that I have plenty of my own; it was truly the last thing on my mind when we got together.
Even if he had nothing it wouldn’t change the way I feel about him.
Time is slowly ticking by, my book lays open but unread on my lap as my mind whirrs frantically, searching for an answer to solve this catastrophe.
The later it gets the more nauseas I become. He still hasn’t called. I need to call reception to book me a taxi to the airport, but