one can say that wasn’t real.
I can’t believe it’s over, I can’t believe that I’ll never see him again, never kiss his lips or caress his soft skin, what I wouldn’t give to feel his body against mine just one more time.
I can’t control it as the tears spill over, drenching my face.
“Oh Kate” Blair croons, pulling me into her embrace. We sit like this for some time, me sobbing gently into her shoulder.
“I’m sorry” I bleat, “I’m just such a mess”.
“You have nothing to apologise for. Trust me, if I had been through half of what you had these last few months I would be a mess too” she pulls a hanky out of her pocket and carefully mops the wetness from my cheeks, “now come on, let’s get you a drink”.
I hastily rub my hands over my face and stand to attention, “I think that’s the best idea you’ve ever had”.
We take two trusty jugs of cocktails to the beach and sit and watch the waves roll in. It’s such a stunning place, literally every view is like a picture on a postcard; you can’t quite believe your eyes when you’re surrounded by such beauty. At least I’m miserable in a picturesque place; just sitting on the sand helps the healing process along.
Laying side by side Blair tells me about her plans for the future. This holiday, as well as celebrating the anniversary of their marriage, is the last holiday they are taking as a couple, before they start trying for a family. It surprises me that they have been married for ten years but only just thinking about children now. She explains that they both have good careers and they wanted to establish them first; they got married at just twenty, so they figured there was plenty of time to have kids later. She’s nervous about it, but you’d have to be blind not to see she will make a wonderful mum. A pang of jealousy sores through me; Blair has it all, both of them earn good money, she married the perfect man for her when she was barely out of school and is now living happily ever after.
I married a twat and have paid the price three times over for that mistake and now it seems, I’m destined to repeat my errors in picking the wrong guy, over and over for the rest of my life!
“You’re so fortunate, with everything you have” I say, trying to keep the envy from my voice.
“It’s not always been this way you know, it’s a long story so I won’t get into it now, but it’s safe to say that we’ve had our struggles. Life’s like that, you have ups and downs, but it’s ultimately what you take from it that counts”
She sounds so serious, she reminds me of one of those inspirational speakers; the thought makes me laugh out loud.
“Did I really just say that?” she chuckles making me laugh even harder. It’s one of those moments when you spend so much time being sad that the slightest thing cracks you up.
We’re giggling away together when something catches my eye. Propping myself up and looking in its direction I see Carlos, halfway towards us on the beach. Instantly I smile, my face lighting up at the sight of him; but he does not respond in kind, he has an expression like thunder, his green eyes burning holes into me. He stands for a moment, his body visibly tense, before turning and stomping away. My world caves in around me again “He must have seen us laughing and thought I was having a great time, thought I wasn’t affected by all this” I slump back down onto the sand, I can’t do right for doing wrong!
“You have to talk to him, this is just ridiculous. If he had any idea how you’ve really been, maybe he’d forgive you. I mean why else was he coming over?” she has a good point, but I just don’t want to put myself out there, when he’s clearly still so easily angered.
“Can you just give him the letter? I don’t know that I could manage to say everything I want to his face without screwing it up”
She begrudgingly agrees and sets off to find him, while I return to my room, with one of the cocktail jugs, to hide out and drink myself into oblivion.
Back at the room I’m suddenly overwhelmed with loneliness. Was it ever a good idea to come away alone?