I wipe my eyes and pick up the phone. Its five rings before she answers “Hi, Kate is that you?” her bright tone breaks me down all over again “Oh Caz” I wail.
“Kate!? What’s happened? Tell me. Is it that Carlos?” she takes a stab in the dark at the cause of my misery.
“No, not Carlos, Jake. Fucking Jake is here!” my anger is seeping back through, re-charged, irrationally, by her accusing Carlos of upsetting me like this.
“WHAT??? He’s there? Actually there? I take it you spoke to him? What the hell is he doing there? How would he even know where you were? I didn’t tell him and your parents wouldn’t…..oh! Phil, it must have been Phil, when I get my hands on him…..” she is off on a rant, but it confirms my suspicions of how he found me.
Once she comes to a pause in her tirade I explain what happened, what he said, how I responded, much to Caz’s delight, who had assumed I would have taken him back in a heartbeat; I’m offended at first, but if I’m honest with myself, before coming here I probably would have, in fact right up until I met Carlos I would have.
It was only my dates with him that have opened my eyes to just how bad it was with Jake and to how much more there is out there, just waiting for me to get my hands on!
“It’s such a mess Caz, Carlos might be back tomorrow and what if Jake plans on staying longer?” I ask, desperate for her to have an answer that will magically fix everything.
“Well you’ve told him where to go, so maybe he will just leave?” she says optimistically.
“It’s doubtful though, isn’t it?” I reply, losing hope.
“There’s something else I need to tell you” she starts somberly, “I wasn’t going to say anything to you till you got back, but now this has happened, I think you need to know.” She pauses still unsure whether she should divulge whatever information she is holding.
“Go on” I encourage her.
“Stacy’s pregnant”
I’m silent, what can I possibly say to that?
Realising I’m too shocked for words, Caz goes on “Jake told Phil a couple of days ago, she’s about fifteen weeks along” she explains.
“I…but…what…..” I can’t even string a sentence together. He never wanted kids with me, I had been so eager to start a family, even before we got married, but he always said no, it was never a good time, it had broken my heart to think that it might never be a good time. But I had gone along with it, praying that he would some day change his mind and now he goes and knocks up his bit on the side?
I try to speak again, “Wait, so why is he here trying to get me back?” I ask, stupefied by the whole situation.
“Do you want my honest opinion?” Caz asks outright. It’s inevitably going to sound harsh, but at least it will be the truth.
“Yes” I state simply.
“OK, well he never wanted kids, I know you were hopeful that he’d change his mind, but if you really think about it, he was never going to relent” she speaks the words that I only say to myself. “Now he thought, for whatever stupid reason, that he had found something better in that Stacy bitch, but then she goes and ‘accidentally gets pregnant’ and he is out the door like a shot, crawling back to you, because now he sees that at least you…” she pauses, this is going to be the bit that stings, “well you wouldn’t disobey him” yep there it is.
As much as it feels like a stab in the back, it’s true. We were married, we had a house, both had reasonable jobs; at any time I could have just got pregnant and told him to deal with it, but I was so under thumb I would never have defied him like that. Maybe deep down I knew he would up and leave if I did.
“I think your right, god he is so despicable. I actually feel sorry for Stacy.” I say, although right now I am so numb I don’t think I could feel anything even if someone jabbed a fork into my thigh.
“Don’t feel sorry for her. She knew exactly what she was getting into, she deserves a man like him” Caz says, frankly.
I actually manage a chuckle “yeah, I guess so” it feels like I’m watching it happen to