failing.
I grab my pounding head as I sit up and look around. The room is quiet, despite how many people are in it. Everyone is sitting on the various mattresses holding scattered plates with a few bites of food, hard liquor drinks, and used tissues.
Rose is sitting on my legs, but where is Atlas? Where is Declan?
Siren must realize my alarm because she lifts Atlas up over her legs, so he’s sitting right next to me. Then, she nods silently for me to look to my other side.
Declan is snoring next to me.
My heart relaxes. All the kids are safe.
“So you’re sick?” Rose asks again.
“Yes, I’m heartsick.”
She scrunches her nose. “What does that mean?”
“It means my heart is broken. You remember Liesel? Your other mother?”
Both kids nod.
“She…” I can’t say the words. Why can’t I say the words?
She’s dead.
Just say it. Tell them. They deserve to know that their mother is dead.
But I can’t say it. Not yet. I can’t. I just can’t.
“She wasn’t able to come back with us, and it makes me sad.”
Rose takes my hand. “I miss her.”
“I miss her, too.”
Siren gives me a smile. None of the adults in the room argue with me about my decision. It’s too hard for them to talk about too.
Then Rose looks down at Declan. “Is he dead?”
“No, he’s sleeping. He had a long night.”
“Who is he? He kind of looks like Atlas but with neater hair and slightly bigger,” Rose says.
This draws Atlas’ attention, and he peers over at the sleeping boy as well.
I open my mouth, so not ready to have this conversation. How do I explain everything to them? How do I explain everything to Declan when he wakes up? What is he going to be like when he wakes up? He trusted me last night because he had no choice. I’m not sure if he’ll feel the same way today. I’m a complete stranger to him.
Luckily, I don’t have to worry about that. It seems that the kids will solve those problems on their own.
“I’m Declan.”
“I’m Rose, and this is my brother Atlas.”
They all stare at each other a moment, and then Atlas says, “You’re our brother. We’re triplets. We are going to be best friends, and you’ll learn to love Rose.”
“Hey, don’t act like I’m hard to love,” Rose says.
Atlas laughs.
Declan looks back and forth between them. His eyes are big, entranced by them.
“Come see my room, Declan. You can sleep there until dad gets you your own room,” Atlas says, grabbing Declan’s hand. Then they all run upstairs.
Just like that, they become siblings.
I’m not sure Declan fully understands what’s going on, but he didn’t protest when they dragged him upstairs. We’ll talk more later.
“Here.” Siren hands me a shot glass after the kids run upstairs.
“Should I be drinking at a time like this?”
“What else should you be doing? It will numb the pain.”
I throw the shot back, not even registering what kind of liquor is in it. Siren pours me another shot, and I take that one too.
“Do you want any food?”
I shake my head. Alcohol is the only thing I can stomach. I don’t think I can chew food. I grab the bottle from Siren and start working on it.
“I know now isn’t the time for talking, but if you need us to do anything, we’re ready,” Enzo says. I notice he has his own bottle of whiskey, and his eyes are already bloodshot.
I nod as I lift the bottle to my lips before I realize the answer. I put the bottle down abruptly.
“We have to go back.”
“I thought the explosion killed everyone?” Enzo asks.
“It did, but I need to make sure…” I can’t say Liesel’s name. “I need to make sure her father is dead and that he has no successors to take over whatever is left of his organization.”
“When do you want to leave?”
All eyes in the room are on me. Everyone in this room will do whatever I want. They won’t judge me. There is no judgment in watching someone grieve. We all grieve differently. Whatever I need, they’ll do.
I hear laughter from the kids upstairs. For the first time since my world ended, I smile. They will never have to experience my grief. I can protect them from the worst. What’s most important now is to ensure they are completely safe. Ensure the man who took their mother is dead. Ensure they are safe forever.
I take another sip, knowing I’m going to have to stop drinking soon. I need