backseat as I turn the car on.
“Stay down,” I tell him as I drive the block back to collect everyone else. Suddenly, there’s an explosion, and the entire building erupts up in flames.
“NO!” I yell as I watch the building burn.
Declan sits up in the backseat and looks out at the building in flames. I suspect this building has been his home his entire life. It’s gone in a second; everyone he knows—gone.
Carefully, I drive toward the exit from which we just escaped. There is a body burning; I suspect Corbin’s.
I grab my gun. I can’t go without knowing for sure if Liesel is…
I can’t even think it.
“Declan,” I say.
The boy looks at me with big eyes. He’s in shock.
“Look at me. I need you to keep your head down. I’ll be right back, you hear me? I’ll be right back. Stay hidden.”
I wait until he crouches down on the car floor, then I run into the flames.
The smoke hits me first, and I cough over and over. There is no oxygen here, but I have enough left in my lungs to yell for Liesel. “Liesel!”
I get no response.
The flames flicker around me. I crawl down low to try to avoid the smoke, but it’s everywhere.
I open my mouth, but it lets in too much smoke. I cough relentlessly, trying to get the smothering fumes out of my lungs. My hands reach out and make contact with a body—a body that is more ash than human flesh at this point.
“Liesel?” I beg.
Please, it can’t be.
But then I see the strands of blonde hair.
“No,” I whisper as my heart shatters. “Please, god, no.”
But it’s her. I know it’s her—Liesel’s dead.
“I’ll protect them. I’ll love them as my own as I loved you. As I’ll always love you.”
It takes all the strength I have to move away from her body, but I do. I have to. I have to get back to Declan before anyone who survived discovers him.
I run back out of the still-burning building and jump into the car.
Declan is still in the backseat where I left him.
I cough, unable to speak. I start driving. I can’t think of where I should drive; I just know I have to drive away. Once we’re a safe distance away, I’ll call for someone to pick us up.
The boy in the backseat shakes as I drive, but I don’t know how to comfort him. I don’t know how to explain to him that he just lost his mother. And although I want to be his father, I just failed him.
A car pulls out in front of me, and I slam on the breaks. We stop just short of hitting the car, but Declan isn’t buckled in and flies forward. I put my arm out to stop him from flying through the windshield.
At that moment, my heart flips. He becomes my son in an instant. Being a father is the most natural thing in the world to me. I wrap him in my arms and pull him onto my lap.
I may have failed Liesel, but I won’t fail him.
“You’re safe. I’ve got you. I’ve got you, Declan. I won’t let anyone hurt you. You’re safe.”
18
Langston
She’s dead.
I still can’t accept it.
Liesel is gone, burned in the fire.
The feel of her charred flesh is seared into my memory. The singed ends of her blonde hair turned black will haunt me for the rest of my days. It’s not how I want to remember her. In some ways, it’s better that I saw her body. I’m not sure I would ever believe she is really dead if I hadn’t seen her myself.
Still, my heart still can’t process that she’s gone. Once again, I failed her.
I haven’t stopped crying since we left the shattered building. I continued weeping the entire flight home with Declan in my lap. You’d think my tears would dry now that we’ve landed on my island, but they still fall just as freely. I can’t imagine a time when I won’t be crying. From now on, I’ll see the world in shades of black, white, and gray. My world will be void of color.
The only love I’ll ever feel again is for my children. I’ll never remarry. I’ll never fall in love. I’ll never have my soul be connected to another woman ever again.
My heart wishes I were dead. The loss is suffocating. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I don’t know how I’m going to endure a lifetime of it.
Then I look