her to leave. All the other parents have already gone – often having to take a second child, or even a third, to a different camp somewhere else. But Devin’s an only child, and she’s a stay-at-home mom, so she doesn’t have anywhere else she has to be. She always seems to hang around longer, as if she can’t let go. As if she still can’t quite believe that Devin is hers.
It would have been perfect if they could have had a daughter too. She might have been one of the mothers racing to drop off at soccer so that she can get to ballet camp on time. But they only have one, and she and her husband, Gary, are desperately grateful for that.
She can’t have children.
It had been such a shock to discover she was sterile.
It was more than that – it was traumatic, profoundly disorienting. The years of trying, the heroic efforts – none of it had paid off. The chronic disappointment had led to depression. She felt like a failure. All around her women were having babies, seemingly effortlessly. She was secretly afraid Gary might leave her. It was a dark time.
They’d come to adoption only after exhausting all other options, including IVF. Even then, things hadn’t gone smoothly. They had arranged an adoption to get an infant girl, but the birth mother had changed her mind right after the baby was born. They were heartsick – left with empty arms, and out of pocket for all her expenses. It had been devastating. There was nothing they could do but suck it up and try again.
But then, working again with the same private adoption agency, another birth mother chose them. It was an open adoption, so they were able to meet her. They were cautiously optimistic. She seemed smart and they liked her right away. She didn’t seem flaky; she seemed to have her head on straight. No drug or alcohol problems. She told them she wasn’t ready to have a baby on her own – she wanted to finish school. She didn’t want her baby to be raised by a single mother without any money, and she had no extended family to help her. She wanted what was best for him, not what was best for her.
She was also physically attractive; more importantly, she looked a lot like Cheryl herself – blonde and blue-eyed, fairly tall and slim, with fine bone structure. Cheryl had wanted a child who might resemble her in some way. They didn’t know anything about the father, except that he was white, university educated, and wasn’t interested in becoming a father.
Devin must have taken after his biological father, because as he grew, he didn’t look anything like Cheryl.
Cheryl takes one last look at Devin on the soccer field and waves goodbye, but he’s not watching and doesn’t notice. She turns back to her car and drives home, thinking about how lucky she turned out to be in the end. Devin’s such a great kid – he’s even good in school. So many of the moms she’s got to know are discovering that their kids have learning disabilities, allergies, all kinds of problems. Finally, she’s one of the lucky ones.
Nobody around here knows that Devin is adopted; they haven’t even told him yet. They’ve decided they’ll tell him when he’s twelve or thirteen. Everybody except close family thinks he’s their biological child. She doesn’t really want anyone to know – it’s none of their business. Devin can tell people once he finds out, if he wants to. She hopes he keeps it to himself, though. She hopes he never wants to know about his birth mother. So many adopted kids do nowadays. Nothing good comes of it, Cheryl thinks. Why rock the boat? He has all the love and everything else he’ll ever need, right here, with them.
She arrives home and lets herself in. She’s grateful for the blast of air-conditioning – it’s so humid today. They live in a lovely house; her husband makes a very good living in commercial property development. Maybe she’ll make herself an iced coffee and go out and sit by their pool.
But for some reason, she finds herself thinking about the past. She makes her way upstairs to Devin’s bedroom and opens his door. She’s seen some of the bedrooms of Devin’s friends. They make her shudder. The other moms complain about how messy and lazy their kids are, but Cheryl thinks maybe they aren’t bringing their