Patrick’s best friend – called me and told me there’d been an accident. By the time I arrived the paramedics were already there, and Lindsey was laid out in the snow, dead. They’d tried to revive her but hadn’t been able to.’
Stephanie listens in dismay; Erica looks so earnest, so troubled. She reminds herself that Patrick had been equally distressed and convincing when he’d told her what happened that day. Either Erica is a very good actor, or she really believes what she’s saying, even though it may not be true.
Erica continues. ‘Patrick was so distraught – but I caught his eye, just for a moment – and there was something in that look, just for a second, between the two of us, something triumphant – and I knew then that he’d done it on purpose. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind.’
There’s a moment of silence. Then Stephanie says, not hiding her astonishment, ‘A look. Your belief that my husband is a cold-blooded murderer is based on a look.’
‘Hear me out,’ Erica says urgently. ‘He was crying, distraught – completely convincing – but I knew. He went away with the sheriff to be questioned and I was terrified. I thought they’d wear him down, that eventually he’d tell them about us, and they would think I was part of it.
‘I went home and hid in my apartment. I kept asking myself how Patrick could have done that to his wife and unborn child. I thought I was to blame, that he’d done it to be with me. I was waiting for the police to come, to question me, and I was going to tell them the truth. That I wanted Patrick to leave her, but that I had no part in her death. But nobody came. I saw on TV that night that they’d declared it an accident. That he’d got away with it. I couldn’t believe it – I was horrified. And then I was relieved, because I wouldn’t have to go to jail. But I felt the most horrible guilt and remorse about Lindsey. I knew she was dead because of me.
‘I didn’t want to see him, I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t know how to act around him, knowing what I knew. I was the only one who knew the truth. I was afraid he might call me, but he didn’t. I didn’t want to go near him, but I had to go to the funeral. It would look strange if I didn’t.
‘The funeral was a couple of days later. It was ghastly.’ She looks at the twins nodding off in their buggy, and Stephanie follows her gaze. ‘Everyone completely broke down. Patrick’s grief was totally convincing and I even wondered if he had regrets, though he was now free and he’d got away with it.
‘He tried to talk to me at the funeral. I turned my back on him. No one seemed to think that was strange – I was Lindsey’s best friend, and it was his fault she was dead. Everybody was a mess. But I know Greg thought I was behaving badly. He came up to me and told me to get a grip, that everybody was hurting, not just me, and who the hell did I think I was to treat Patrick like shit at his wife’s funeral? Of course, Greg didn’t know anything.’ She pauses. ‘It was the next day that I found out I was pregnant. I was a few days late. I tried to ignore it, but after the funeral I got a pregnancy test from the drugstore where I worked.’ She takes a deep breath, exhales. ‘Of course it was Patrick’s. I wasn’t with anybody else when I was with him.’
‘Where is the child now?’ Stephanie asks.
Erica turns to her. ‘I gave him up for adoption. I never said I kept him.’
Stephanie is silent. Her mind is tumbling over with confusing thoughts, like a dryer full of clothes.
‘Why didn’t you just have an abortion?’
‘Maybe I should have.’ She pauses for a moment and then says, ‘The truth is I knew that if I carried the baby to term there might be some money in it. A private adoption. Yes, I’m greedy. But you know that.’
Stephanie turns away; she can’t bear to look at Erica any longer.
‘He did it deliberately, Stephanie, I know he did,’ Erica says. She seems to consider something and then says, ‘I’ll tell you why I came forward now, after all