me focused on being a kind and compassionate human (and an alert driver) instead of harrumphing about the idiots on the road. You can’t control what happens in life, but you can control how you choose to interpret things. When I choose to look for a positive interpretation, I’m nurturing good thoughts instead of unhelpfully dwelling on bad ones.
Consider a Different Point of View
Once your brain lands on a negative interpretation of something—say, your friend left the meeting early because she didn’t want to talk to you, everyone is giving you strange looks because you have lipstick on your teeth, your boss called because she’s unhappy with your job performance—it’s difficult to stay objective. And when you lose objectivity, you head straight for the negative, and stay there.
When your brain gets stuck, you can consciously prompt yourself to consider a different point of view. This exercise in creativity forces you to get out of your own head, and with a bit of distance, you can see your own situation more objectively and lessen the power of the initial thought. Even a neutral interpretation is leagues better than a negative one.
Your alternate interpretation doesn’t have to be brilliant. The power comes from simply considering another point of view, because it forces your thoughts off the negative track they’re on. What if your friend left the meeting early because she had a dentist appointment? What if people are surprised to see you at the meeting because they thought you were still on vacation? What if your boss called because you left a file on your desk?
When I’m struggling to find a positive—or even neutral—interpretation, I turn to two questions that have consistently helped me get my thinking back on track.
What would I tell my best friend if she were in this situation? When you imagine you’re advising someone else, you automatically see the situation more objectively.
What would I like about this if I liked it? or What would I consider to be good here, if I considered this to be good? For example: “If I felt that meeting was a success, what reasons would I give?” or “If I thought that conversation went well, why would I think so?”
These questions are effective because they give you needed distance from your own visceral experience and challenge you to engage in the creative exercise of finding another interpretation.
Brush It Aside, for Now
I learned this trick from a yoga-instructor friend: if (or perhaps I should say, when) unhelpful thoughts pop up, you don’t have to nurture them. When you notice your mind drifting off in a dangerous direction, just tell those thoughts “not now” and brush them aside. My friend suggested I visualize brushing them away, as if I were brushing lint off my sweater.
Here’s a low-key example: when I’m writing, I’ll have flitting thoughts that say things like, This is crap! or Are you sure you know what you’re doing? I used to engage these thoughts and wrestle with them. But that didn’t help anything; instead, it diverted my attention from where it belonged and made me feel bad. Now when I notice these thoughts floating by, I brush them aside, telling myself that they don’t matter right now. Then I can refocus my attention on the thing that does matter: actually writing.
Of course, if I choose to catch these thoughts, pull them close, and nurture them, I would have a whole different experience—and not a good one.
My friend Beth gave me similar advice for my work life. In my business, leisurely seasons of creative planning and preparation alternate with busier seasons of execution. In seasons of execution, I’m focused on executing plans I’ve already made, not on thinking deeply about the big picture—but that doesn’t stop me from recognizing issues that need to be dealt with, whether those are about the overall state of my business or finer details of a project in process. Beth taught me that the time to make big decisions is when I’m planning and preparing. And when I’m busy executing those plans—well, that time should be devoted to execution. Now when a big-picture decision presents itself during a season dedicated to execution, I do what Beth taught me: I tell myself, Execution mode, not decision mode, capture the idea to address later, and move on. Trusting that I will return to it when the time is right helps me move on in the moment.
Ignore Invalid or Unhelpful Thoughts
In Almost Everything, Anne Lamott writes about her ongoing struggle with