making it hard when you say shit like that, baby.”
I nod, quick and shallow.
“I think I’ve done a damn good job keeping the Dom in me in check when it comes to you. You have no idea the times I’ve wanted to order you to open up to me, to force you to snap out of what you were going through by using both my psychological skills and my physical capabilities as a professional Dominant.” I suck in a breath at the mental image his words provoke. “But then I would’ve been abusing my power, and if those books are accurate at all, then you know why I couldn’t do that to the woman I love.”
I can barely breathe, let alone speak, so I nod again.
“Domination and submission is all about trust, and how much would you have trusted me if I took advantage of you while you were at your lowest? How would I have earned your submission if I didn’t take the time to learn about you and try to help you heal the wounds of your past, and instead just ignored all that just to get to… tie up and fuck your body?”
Even though I’m being scolded right now, even though I know it’s a highly inappropriate response to the verbal lashing my ass is getting, my pussy clenches at the way Neil says that last part, and I shudder at the picture it flashes inside my brain.
“I asked you a question, goddess, and I expect an answer,” he says, and his tone is what I would imagine hearing if he were dominating me and I was his sub. I didn’t know Neil’s voice could sound like that, and for some reason, it’s like he’s speaking directly to my soul.
I respond without hesitation. “You’re right. I wouldn’t have trusted you like I do now.” My voice is breathy, needy, and I want to slap myself out of it. But I can’t. Not when Neil is still looking up at me like that even though his voice made it seem like he’s towering over me while I’m on my knees before him.
“Good girl. Now, please tell me. What is your fascination with BDSM novels?” he asks and makes to move back in his spot, but I grab his arm beneath the rumbling water to stop him.
“Wait!” It comes out as a squeak through my tight throat, so I clear it. “Will um… will you stay here? I feel… I feel like it’s easier to think clearly when you’re um… looking at me and speaking to me that way,” I confess, my cheeks flushing.
He slowly glides back into place, this time settling his knees on the bottom, and his eyes soften ever so slightly. “Ahh, goddess. I think I just got my answer without you even saying a word about it. But I want to hear you say it.”
I nod, unable to meet his eyes but focusing on his perfect lips surrounded by that sexy beard. “The first books I read, they were hot.” I shrug. “The premise was arousing, the contract, laying it all out what they were sexually into and not. At the time, it was… appealing, the thought of making a legal documentation saying that he wouldn’t do the things she deemed a hard limit, because while she could clearly state he wasn’t allowed to do certain things to her body, I wasn’t being given that choice.”
He moves his hands to grip my knees, pulling my legs apart and moving closer between my thighs. The comfort of his closeness helps me to keep going.
“I followed the links of suggested books since I liked those, and it led me to one that was way more in depth about the relationship a Dominant and submissive have with each other. It was a fictional love story, but it really explained what BDSM is truly about, the trust between the people and who really holds the power. It went into detail about how it’s actually the submissive who is in control while the Dominant rules her body. He could do anything to her they agreed on, even push her past what she thought was her limit, but with one whisper of her safe word, everything would stop in their tracks. She wouldn’t be punished for tapping out. And even better, he would love on her and comfort her afterward for being pushed too far. And again, it just really spoke to me, the idea of being in that sort of