the first time. And when he lets me go, it’s like pulling the plug, removing the damn battery pack, and disconnecting the freaking backup generator all at once.
And I know he wants me. God, do I know. He uses every single breath he takes to prove that I am the only woman on this earth who he desires, cares for, and dare I say feels even more than that.
But I’m too fucked up. I’m damaged goods. I have entirely too much baggage to haul around that I’d be bringing into a relationship with Neil, with anyone. They say you shouldn’t bring your past relationships into the new ones you start, but how can I not? Brandon ruined me for all others. He ruined me, period, to a point there’s no coming back from what he did to me. And I refuse to drag Neil down with me, no matter how badly I want to grab onto him to try to stay afloat.
A couple of hours later, Neil is opening the glass door at the front of the gym, and I’m shocked when the girl at the front desk greets, “Morning, Doc! This is an odd time for you, isn’t it?” She glances at her Fitbit.
My eyes lift to his, my brow furrowed. “This is your gym?”
His gaze twinkles down at me. “Oh, did I forget to point that out? I was just letting fate do her thing.” He winks, and then he turns to the receptionist. “My guest Astrid and I are here for the barre class,” he tells her, holding out his phone for her to scan. When I glance at it, it’s a barcode, the words Membership Card bold at the top.
She snorts then covers her lips. “Doc. You’re going to do a barre class?”
He narrows his shockingly bright blue eyes, which would be intimidating as hell if his lips weren’t in a playful smile. “What? Are you saying guys shouldn’t do barre? That it’s too girly and easy? How sexist of you, Johnna.”
I lift an eyebrow at that, because he has another think coming if he thinks this is going to be easy. She takes the words right out of my mouth when she shakes her head. “Oh hell no. I’m just wondering how you’re going to be able to make your big ass do the things these women can do. I’d bet you don’t make it halfway through.”
“What’s the wager?” Neil prompts, sticking his phone in his pocket and crossing his massive arms over his white tee-covered chest.
She cocks her hip and crosses her own arms. “Copay of my next session,” she bets, lifting her chin. And I realize she must be one of his patients. I look at her more closely, my head tilting to the side, wondering what this pretty, curvy, and bubbly girl could possibly have wrong with her. She makes my figure seem downright boyish. And then I recognize I’m being an idiot. He’s a psychologist, a doctor of the mind, and her scars most likely wouldn’t show on the outside. Anyone looking at me wouldn’t be able to tell what a shitshow I am unless they look too closely into my eyes. But they’d have to really care in order to look past all the pretty makeup and fake smiles. And most people don’t.
“Deal,” he says, sticking out his hand, and she grasps and shakes it with a smirk.
I feel the creeping tendrils of jealousy make their way down my neck, this woman touching Neil so casually. Until I see her face take on a little evil look when she tells him dramatically, “You’re going dooown. My wife teaches that class.”
“Ah, shit. Goddess, you didn’t tell me Destinee is the instructor,” he grumbles at me.
I stare at him blankly. “And how would I know who the hell Destinee is, Neil? You didn’t even tell me this was your gym.”
“Oooo, feisty. I like her. Welcome to Time of Your Life Athletics. I’m Johnna.” She holds out her hand to me, and I shake it with a smile.
“Were you the one I spoke to on the phone earlier?” I ask.
“Yes, it was. I’m the only one on desk duty on Saturdays,” she explains.
I smile. “I was actually telling Neil on the way here that you did a really good job on the phone making this place seem like it was super fun. So good job.”
She gives a wicked little cackle. “That’s just to get you in here. We’ll see how fun you think