I breathe deeply and calm myself.
“It’s not normal to impose relationships, Pierce. You trust yourself. You trust our love, most importantly,” I say without raising my voice, which is so hard. “You trust me.”
“People leave,” he says with such bitterness. I wonder who left him. “I’m not a choice, Leyla.”
So many things pop into my head. Who left him? Why didn’t I notice he’s broken and afraid? Did he stay with me because I’m broken too, and I wouldn’t pack and leave?
Am I here because I’m alone and too damaged to find happiness?
Why are you with me?
Do you remember what we promised each other when we got married?
Do you know what real love looks like?
Love is not giving you a promotion if you dedicate all your time to the company. Love is not deceiving the woman you want to be with, just so she won’t leave you.
I ask for too little. Honesty is one of those few things I needed from him, and now…
But I don’t say or ask anything out loud because I see it clearly for the first time. The past three years have been a fantasy powered by infatuation and great sex. The desire is gone. The rose colored glasses are gone, and what or who we hid is clear for everyone to see.
What does he see in me?
A lonely woman in need of a family and love.
I stare at my hand, where the thin gold band we exchanged two years ago sits. Buying the rings in a hurry at the jewelry store, Pierce said, “Anything will do. It doesn’t matter.”
It mattered to me. He just never cared. There was no real proposal. The only promise he made was to buy me a solitaire ring—he never did. We never exchanged vows. Those silly to hold and to cherish words were never a part of this marriage.
We have nothing to keep us together.
Tears form in my eyes, but I’m fighting them back because what’s the point of crying. Our problems go soul deep. My resentment grows.
I wanted a lot more than a trip to the DMV.
I wanted promises, dreams, and the declaration of love between us.
We never promised forever. We didn’t swear to love one another despite our flaws.
When I look at him, all I see is a man who doesn’t have the patience to listen to my needs, to share his heart, or be the man I fell in love with.
He’s the guy I thought I’d love for the rest of my life, but I don’t recognize him anymore.
“Did you even want to get married?” My stomach drops when I realize that the words left my mouth.
It’s supposed to be another silent question.
“I never wanted a wife,” he responds without hesitation.
The words are an arrow shot directly into my heart. It explodes inside my chest. The shards fall to the ground. This moment is just as bad as having your husband shoot you. The anger, the pain, and the loss are sucking out the strength I have left in me.
I’m enraged with myself because I should’ve stopped this a long time ago. There are many scenarios on how I can handle this situation—the end.
I grab onto the anger. Make it my mission to inflict the pain I’m feeling. I promise myself that he’ll be as miserable as I am until I feel satisfied. Or until I’m done grieving.
He’s right. Everyone leaves. As always, I’m the one left behind.
“Why am I even bothering to have a conversation with you?” I lash the question. “Why am I here? You played me. You made me believe that you loved me above everything, and I loved you with the same intensity. In reality, nothing is holding us together.”
He studies me. My heart restarts, hopeful that he might say something like I’m wrong or he’s sorry. That this is a growing pain, and this can’t be the end.
“I’ll have Nyx file for divorce,” he says with a cold voice.
I hear a voice in my head speaking clearly, he never loved you.
I hate everything that has been falling into place for the past two weeks. All the pieces of a puzzle I refused to see.
Deep down, he never loved me.
What am I supposed to do now with all the love I accumulated since I met him?
What’s going to happen to our little boy? I imagined him with Pierce’s deep green eyes and a mischievous smile. He’d be up to no good, but just as loving as his dad. My little girl is never