know why I do it. It’s not like I plan on talking to any of my brothers again.
Halfway through the game, Mills is in the penalty box right next to Leyla. She turns to look at him, and he winks at her, blowing her a kiss.
I move her to the other side and glare at him. “Do you even know how to play hockey? It’s not baseball.”
“Fuck off, asshole.”
“Jock.”
He takes off his glove and flips me the finger. “Nice to see you, jerk.”
When the game is over, she asks again, “What is your relationship with him? You two seemed…familiar.”
“It’s complicated,” I answer. “We don’t speak about it.”
“We are past secrets, aren’t we?” she asks, and I take the opportunity to add my question to the mix.
“What’s your last name?”
“Okay, so I’ll back off then,” she mumbles.
Some things are not meant to be shared. I’m not sure what her deal is, but I let it go. Mine is too messed up and not worth discussing. Our relationship shouldn’t be more than what we have. I kiss her before we get into the car to remind her why we are together.
Chapter Six
Leyla
Defining my relationship with Pierce Aldridge is almost impossible. There’s no word between casual and serious. Complicated doesn’t apply because it’s easy to get along with him. Well, easy might be a stretch. We harbor secrets, avoid any serious subjects, and don’t even mention the word relationship. It has too many implications.
Sighing, I finally accept it. We’re complicated.
What are we?
It’s the middle of March. We’ve been together for nearly seven months. I stay at his house almost every night. My wardrobe occupies more than half of his closet. We travel often, sometimes to cities like New York, San Francisco, and Vancouver while others we go to exotic destinations where we can get away from the snow. We still aren’t a couple. I think. So what if we spent our first Christmas and New Year’s in Bali?
Are we lying to ourselves and each other by pretending to be part of an open, yet monogamous, relationship?
Maybe we’re both too scared to stamp a label on what we have. But if it was casual, would I be talking to my therapist about my feelings, the situation, and my wants?
“Do you think it is time for you to discuss with him where this is going?” my therapist asks.
I would sound needy, insecure, and…well, he doesn’t seem like a guy who wants to deal with a helpless woman. I’m not weak. I’ll just come across that way if I ask for more, won’t I?
What is he going to say when I ask him to define us?
We have an agreement. Once we are uncomfortable or when the other is asking for something we can’t give, it’s over.
I tap my foot a few times against the leg of the chair, sucking my bottom lip. “What we have is fragile. Neither one of us has ever had a relationship.”
“Have you discussed with him why?”
Arching an eyebrow, I look at her and shake my head. “No, I don’t think we’re at the point of telling him that I’m pretty broken.”
She looks at her tablet and then back at me. “Have you considered other ways to describe yourself other than unfixable, broken, or damaged?”
“I use shattered sometimes,” I joke and smile at her. “When I look at it from an outsider's perspective, it sounds awful, pitiful, and really, how can that person even function? An abusive father who killed his family. I survived because my dog pushed me against the floor, and I only got shot twice. That’s a pretty big trauma.”
“You’ve been working hard to overcome what that six-year-old girl went through,” she states.
“True,” I agree. “But I’m pretty sure he’s not going to be the guy that will say, ‘I don’t care about your past, let's become a family—warts, mass-murderous tendencies, and all.’”
She stares at me expressionless. Any other person would laugh. It was funny. I’m sure she’s thinking, this woman keeps deflecting reality with her stupid jokes. Maybe not because she’s a professional, but because I’m just making up stories to deflect. Typical Leyla behavior.
“You could give yourself a chance,” she suggests. “You two seem to have a domestic routine that could lead to what you ambitioned for your future.”
“Is it possible?” I ask, skeptical. “We have what the other one needs right now. It’s foolish to think that there can be more. When the time comes, we’ll go our separate ways. He’ll find a woman who meets