for Sherling. Are you okay?”
“Trying to be,” I admit, avoiding his gaze.
He takes my hand and kisses my palm, which draws my attention to the concern skating across his face.
“I’m sorry I shut you out this week,” I say, pressing the back of his hand to my cheek. “I was trying to process everything … I was so angry. It scared me how much. So I stayed away from everyone. I don’t want to hurt you … ever. But I was also afraid of losing you, that you’d think I was pushing you away.”
Grant slows down and pulls to the side of the road.
I look around, confused. “What’s going on?”
After putting the car in park, he shifts to face me. “I didn’t want to be driving when I said this. This week … yeah, it was hard. I was worried about you, not knowing what you were going through. Only that something had happened to your mom. But I never thought I lost you. What we have is … real.” He clears his throat nervously. It makes me want to kiss him, but I refrain, knowing he’s not done yet. “So if you need time to sort through your thoughts or feelings, just say it. I’ll respect that—as long as you’re honest and talk to me after. Because you’re not getting rid of me anytime soon.”
“I love you,” I blurt and then press my lips together, unsure what just happened. It’s like my mouth’s possessed and can’t hold back those three words now that they’ve been unleashed from their vault. It’s disturbing.
Grant smiles at me like I’ve promised him the world, and it fills my chest with warm, radiant light.
“And you can say that anytime. I will never get sick of hearing it for as long as you mean it.”
He leans over and kisses me with such sincerity and passion, the light explodes into a thousand stars.
I will forever be wrong. Forgive me. Please, please, please forgive me.
When Grant shuts off the car in front of Stefan’s family cabin, he asks, “Is this okay? It’s not exactly what I had in mind for our first date, but I figured it’s private.”
“This is our first date?” I ask, a flutter erupting out of nowhere in my stomach. Why am I suddenly nervous? There’s no reason to be nervous.
“Well … yeah. That’s what I was hoping. We could … go out, if you want.” Now he sounds nervous.
I grin. “No. Private’s good.” I open the car door to step out. “Where are the guys?”
“Uh, I have no idea,” Grant says, walking alongside me, taking my hand. “They just promised to be out until midnight. I move back into the dorms tomorrow.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, we start conditioning for crew,” he says. “Which also means, today was my last day at the club.”
I’m quiet when we enter the cabin. I missed so much the last few weeks, being confined to campus. I know it’s only the first week of August, but it feels like summer’s slipping away. And I haven’t spent nearly enough of it with Grant. I’ve been fearing what would happen when he returned to school. I thought I’d have this figured out before then.
“Hey,” he says, gently pulling me to him. “Don’t look like that.”
“What do I look like?”
“Like you just read the saddest story in existence.”
I swallow. “I just thought we had more time than we do.”
“Just because I’m back at Printz-Lee doesn’t mean you won’t see me. I’m actually closer to you at school than here.”
“I honestly have no idea where Printz-Lee is,” I admit, leaning into his embrace.
“It’s on the other side of the woods.”
I lean away and shoot him a look. We’re surrounded by woods. “That’s not helpful.”
Grant chuckles. “I think the barn is between us. We’re up a hill and can see the rooftops of your buildings in the winter when the trees are bare.” He kisses me softly. “As I said, you’re not getting rid of me anytime soon. We’ll work this out. I’m still an approved tutor at Blackwood, so I’ll be on campus a lot. And I’m pretty sure you’ll only be working at the club a couple days a week when school starts, so we’ll have plenty of free time to spend together. But for now, let’s be here … on our first date.”
“Okay,” I say, trying to let go of the dread that has swallowed up the flutters in my stomach.
Grant walks through the archway into the kitchen. I follow.
“I’m not a