to our lives sometime.”
That was about as idiotic a statement as I’d ever heard. But Diego did have a point; there was only so long we could keep Willow Grace from leaving before we either had to tie her down or she called the police on us.
My head had a slight buzzing in it, like a fly had decided to zoom around inside my skull. I shook myself. Maybe I should call Rio back and—what?
You decided a long time ago you didn’t want to be what Rio is. Maybe it was fine to let her go home.
God, I needed some sleep.
Willow Grace had left Arthur’s door open slightly. I went over and called, “You two. Out here, now,” at Checker and Pilar. The kids were all crowded around too closely for me to see Arthur, which was just as well.
“What is it, Cas?” Pilar asked, closing the door behind them. Her eyes widened at the sight of me. “Are you all right?”
“It looks worse than it is. We need to plan.” I did a quick count in my head. “Wait a second, shouldn’t Elisa have gotten here by now?”
“She’s not coming,” Checker answered.
It registered, then, what his cryptic half conversation with Elisa down at the station had meant. The grating frustration I’d been feeling at all of them ballooned up inside me—people were going to get hurt and it was going to be my fault and nobody was telling me shit and why were there so damn many of them to protect—
“Does nobody in this group think about personal safety except me and Rio?” I burst out. “The reason I am sitting here is that someone very dangerous is after something from us, and we don’t know what that is yet!”
Diego winced. Checker tried to shush me and glanced over his shoulder at the closed door to Arthur’s room.
Screw them all. I should quit and go pass out for a week.
I pointed at Diego. “Call your daughter right this second and get her down here. Wait, better yet, let’s all get out of here.” We couldn’t work in the hospital. “Scratch Elisa. Go find a doctor and see what the earliest Arthur can go back to your place is, AMA if necessary, as long as it won’t be dangerous. We can call Dr. Washington to help if we need to.”
Diego stared stupidly at me, then exchanged a glance with Checker before walking off.
“I’ll come with you,” Pilar said hastily, and followed.
Checker waved after them. “It is his house.”
“So?” Diego was the one who’d been refusing to go somewhere safer from the beginning. If he didn’t want to put up with some coziness, that was his fault.
“What I mean is, you just volunteered him to have his ex-husband convalesce in his guest room,” Checker explained impatiently. “There might be, you know, some awkwardness there.”
“Well, too bad,” I said. “If Arthur was worried about me causing awkwardness, maybe he should’ve told me his family fucking existed in the first place.”
“And would you even have noticed if he had?” Checker’s words had real bite to them. Even more than in the car. “For someone who doesn’t respect boundaries, it’s not like you ever show much actual interest in our lives. You know the only reason you care now? Because you’re bitter we didn’t tell you, that’s why.”
I opened my mouth and tried to say that wasn’t true. But some sort of heavy emotion sat hard on my throat, and the words wouldn’t come.
Checker scrubbed a hand across his face, and the aggression went out of him. “Cas, I’m—what I mean is—”
“You said what you meant.”
“No, I mean yes, but—”
“As soon as we get back, I need you to get all the forensic reports on Arthur’s kidnapping so we can start going through them. Okay?”
“Right. Okay.” He put a hand on Arthur’s door, but stopped.
“What?” I said, my tone going as ugly as his had been.
But his breath hitched, and he turned his face away.
Oh. Oh, Jesus.
I sucked at this stuff.
“Arthur is … God,” Checker whispered to the door. “He got so messed up. And all because—I’m the one who…”
“You didn’t mean for this to happen,” I tried.
“But it’s still my fault, isn’t it? He’s really hurt. I didn’t believe—I never thought he’d—” He swiped at his nose with the back of one hand.
I didn’t think “he” meant Arthur anymore. “We’re all fucked in the head about some things,” I said.
I’m not crazy; I’m just a new species, Valarmathi added helpfully.
Checker took a breath