I should get plastic surgery,” I said. “Defense against psychics.”
“I don’t think it would help, not if I really … you know. Wanted to.”
“Well, have you gotten anything more out of him?” I said. “I mean non-psychically; don’t get your knickers in a bunch. Has he told you anything else?”
“He has a single-minded loyalty, but I’m not sure if he remembers why anymore. Still, he’s repeated it to himself so many times that it’s hard for him to see past it.” He cleared his throat. “I’ve offered to help him. If he’d let me, I think he could become more lucid.”
The telepathic brand of psychiatric care. Even though I was benefitting from it, I wasn’t sure I’d recommend it. At least not from Simon.
“Does he understand what you’re offering?” Pilar asked quietly.
“I don’t—I’m not sure,” he answered.
“More importantly, if he let you in, would you then be able to find out what he knows about D.J.?” I put in.
The phone went silent. I’d gotten stuck in a jam behind a traffic light and inched the car forward impatiently, waiting. Simon finally said, “I think that would have to be his decision, Cas.”
I didn’t know if he meant, he wouldn’t know unless Oscar shared, or he wouldn’t tell me unless Oscar okayed it. But I was too tired to argue with him about a hypothetical.
“I need to remember this guy exists,” I said instead. I jerked a thumb at Pilar. “You’ve never seen him. Do you have trouble?”
“No—at least, I don’t think so. But so much has been happening that I might have—I mean, I haven’t been thinking about him being there, so maybe I forgot? Wait, I’m not sure now.”
“Your new job is to find out,” I said. “Keep reminding me of him. Simon will double-check that you’re doing it, and we’ll give Rio a heads up too. I’m guessing he’s immune.” I supposed I could’ve had Simon call to keep checking in with me, but that would mean I’d have to talk to him more. And considering the way he sounded, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to make him keep dividing his focus.
“I promise I will call if he tells me anything you can use,” Simon said. “And I’ll make sure I keep remembering him. I will.”
“And how about now?” I said. “Are you going to be up for backing us?”
“Yes. I—yes. Yes.”
The number of affirmatives was not inspiring me with confidence.
“Can you leave yourself a note and take a break?” Pilar asked.
“That might work,” said Simon. “I could try something, ah, like that.”
Some shuffling and muffled speech sounded from the other end of the phone, and then Simon’s voice came back. “I’m going to hang up and record a video memo to myself, and a note to watch it. Then I’m going to lock myself in the bathroom. How far out are you?”
I’d mentally mapped the fastest way through the clogged streets, but we were fighting rush hour. “Fifty minutes, give or take seven.”
“Good. I’ll, uh, I’ll take a little time to rest, then. Will you call me just before?”
I said I would, and we hung up.
My eyes were on the road, but I caught Pilar’s quick glance at me and then at the floor. “What?” I snapped.
“I just—I know he’s a telepath and all, and it’s hard to trust him, but he is just trying to help,” she said. “And he’s been good about keeping his word not to read us, right? And to help you?”
“Yeah, well, considering how many of my problems were his fault in the first place, I’m not going to give him much credit,” I growled. “I don’t buy into his whole ‘I erased your entire personality to save your life’ justification, and if you’ve jumped on that bandwagon, well then, fuck you too.”
Pilar was silent for a moment. Then she said, very quietly, “That was him?”
I hadn’t realized she didn’t know. I’d sort of assumed everyone in my life knew. Checker and Arthur had been there, and if nothing else, I would’ve assumed they’d told her.
But they hadn’t. Apparently.
“I knew you’d lost your memory,” Pilar said. “And that Simon was—helping you—but he was the one who…?”
“Yeah,” I said. I hadn’t meant to revisit this. “He does say he did it because I was dying. Or she was dying. Whoever I used to be. But she didn’t want him to, and he did it anyway.” I shifted gears harder than I should have as I took us around a corner. “Dawna knocked