and there was no convincing me to return home. This was ridiculous and would amount to nothing. I should erase the email and forget it ever happened.
I was nearly out of the building, still muddling over Windsor’s email when someone called out from behind.
“Dr. Lee… Dr. Lee.”
I stopped my stride and spun, finding one of the university’s newer hires scampering after me. Dr. Jenya Kohli taught thermodynamic and statistical mechanics along with an entry-level mathematics course. She was a go-getter, and we’d spent hours in the lab debating and discussing theories.
“Dr. Kohli? Can I help you?”
She caught up, awarding me one of her winning smiles that lit up her young face. She was in her late-twenties or early-thirties if I had to wager a guess. During the last semester, she’d given me a vibe that she was interested in pursuing more.
“I was hoping to catch you before you ran out. I wanted to run something by you. Do you want to grab a coffee or something?”
I hesitated. A few times over the years, I’d made an effort at dating women, wondering if I could encourage feelings that didn’t come naturally. It never worked and left me frustrated. Jenya was sweet and fun to be around, but I saw the imminent disaster on the horizon if I led her on.
“I’m not sure I have time. I have other obligations this afternoon. Is it something we can discuss while I walk to my car?”
Her disappointment was written all over her face. “Sure.”
She fell in step beside me and didn’t waste time getting to the point.
“I was considering offering a Friday evening lecture event for students over the summer and was hoping you might offer an opinion. I thought, as an incentive, the students who attended who were also enrolled in my course next year could earn extra credit if they came to all the lectures.”
“Topic?”
“I was considering a breakdown of Feynman’s lectures on mechanics, radiation, and heat. Something bite-sized that they could come and absorb and keep their brains active over the summer months. If they attended every lecture, it would give them the groundwork for my course. In return, I’d ensure they were appropriately credited.”
The parking lot was almost empty. Jenya spoke the whole way to my car, which was parked in the back forty. She chatted about the structure of what she wanted to plan and the necessity of keeping students engaged over the summer months.
“It’s so easy to let the mind get soggy, don’t you think? We have to find ways to keep those young brains growing.”
I wanted to point out her brain was almost as young as her students’.
“I think it could work. I’d advise you to choose a different night of the week, and you might have a greater turn-out. Fridays with students are notoriously reserved for other plans.” I offered her a knowing smile which she returned.
“Oh, that makes sense. I never think of that. I wasn’t that student. So, perhaps a Thursday would work better.”
“Have you run it by the dean?”
“Not yet. I wanted to ensure it wasn’t too outrageous before I approached Dr. Ruthberg. He still sees me as new and ambitious, which I am, but he often sees faults in the things I want to try.”
“I think you have a sound plan.”
We made it to my car, and I stopped, adjusting the strap of my shoulder bag.
“All right. Thank you.”
“Any time.”
She paused and didn’t run off like I’d hoped. “Look, Dr. Lee. Can I call you Tomi?”
“I can’t see why not.” I chuckled. “We aren’t in an official capacity right now.”
She nodded and glanced around before meeting my eyes. Jenya was shorter than my five eleven. She was a petite woman with a brilliant gleam in her eyes that spoke of her ambition.
“I was wondering if maybe you’d like to go to dinner sometime—in a non-official capacity as well. Forgive my bluntness, but as a date. Would you like to go out on a date? With me?”
She toyed with her bottom lip and waited.
If I could only be that guy who blurted out I’m gay like it was nothing, it would make moments like this far easier. Instead, I planned to rely on the ever-convincing lie that colleagues shouldn’t date each other since it would interfere with their professional responsibilities.
The lie wasn’t forthcoming today, and I sighed, making my own scan of the empty parking lot, remembering Windsor’s email and the impossibility of the situation.
Dating and falling in love with a man always