here by accident. If people discover I’m hiding in a cabin in the mountains with you, it would be worse. We’re more apt to get caught. If my parents or Shay find out that I’m in Jasper because of some rumor, they might show up out here and catch us. If I call and plan a visit, and Percy says something about seeing me, no one will think twice about it. I’m not about to go galivanting around Jasper. I don’t want to deal with old rumors and knowing looks. I don’t want to start lying out of my ass again, but it could also give me a bit of freedom. It’s really confining out here.”
“We’ll see each other less.”
“Maybe not.”
“If I got caught going to your room—”
“You shouldn’t come to my room. Too many eyes and ears in Jasper. It would be better if I take off at night and come here. Better yet if you picked me up somewhere so I could leave my car in town. Less suspicion.”
“So now we’re sneaking around playing secret agent?”
“We already are, Windsor.”
I picked up my burger and ate some. He was right. I hated the idea of seeing him less. We had so little time to begin with. At least he would have more opportunities to get out while I worked. He could visit his family and brother, if nothing else.
“Will you feel safer?”
Tomi considered. “I think so. Maybe. I know it’s not an answer to our predicament, but—”
“I think it puts more distance between us, to be honest.”
“We can forget it. It was just an idea.”
I shoved my plate aside, no longer hungry. “No, I think you should do it. I know how isolated you are. Visiting with your parents is a good thing. We’ll sort us out. Somehow.”
Life would be easier if we could shed these internal issues and be ourselves. When I considered stepping out of the closet, the mere idea dumped a load of adrenaline into my bloodstream and ignited the fight or flight sensation. I knew Tomi felt the same way.
What a pair we made. Two grown men, unable to face the truth, weighed down by their pasts.
“What if it all blows up in our face?” I asked. “What would you do now? You aren’t a teenager anymore, but I also know you have no love for Jasper, so what then?”
He didn’t answer for a long time. His napkin took abuse as he picked it to shreds making a small pile on the table.
“You know what? Maybe don’t answer that. I’m better off living in this bubble with you and hoping it means something.”
“It does mean something. What would you do, Windsor? How would you react if you went to work and suddenly found out the whole town knew you were gay?”
“I’d probably square my shoulders and take it. What choice would I have? I’d have an ocean of shame and regret to swim through, but I guess I’d hope I didn’t lose too much respect from my officers and the town. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as I think.”
Tomi smiled, but it was weak. “I’ve considered that too.”
It wasn’t an answer. Hopefully, we wouldn’t be faced with that situation.
We enjoyed another few beers until the sun set completely, and the land turned dark. We watched the stars for a long time before heading to bed. Every moment felt fragile. As we found pleasure in each other’s bodies, I feared the inevitable end of this delicate relationship.
And it made me sad.
Chapter Fourteen
Tomi
Windsor headed off to work early the following morning. He tried not to work on Sundays, but after the incident at the high school the previous day, he had things to take care of. In the crisp light of a new day, the world didn’t seem as threatening. I could almost convince myself the episode with Easton had never happened, and no one in Jasper was wiser.
Except it had happened.
One more person out there knew the truth.
My brilliant idea of calling my parents didn’t feel as brilliant anymore. I wanted to retract it and tell Windsor we could finish off the summer like this. Then, one hour into the new day, I was climbing the walls. Isolation was not for me.
I headed out on the back deck and lounged in a deck chair as I placed a call to my mother. I’d left on bad terms after Shay’s accident. Once again, it all boiled down to my sexuality and insistence on hiding. I wouldn’t