of peace.”
My eyebrows rose at that, causing him to chuckle.
“I know, I know. It doesn’t make sense, but… change is hard, and, really, the only thing that changes around here are the people. They come, but they don’t go. That’s more stable than a life out there, even if this place can get crazy.” Trey’s gaze fell to the grass at our feet. “I knew Nigel would be pissed at me, but I didn’t think he’d react like that. That was…” He trailed off, unable to say anything.
“I know,” I said, because I’d known it, too. We’d played with fire, all the while knowing we would get burned. “How are you feeling?”
Trey shrugged, but he managed to give me a dimpled grin. “Neck hurts a little, but that’s to be expected, I guess. What about you?” It seemed we would dance around the fact that Nigel had taken me against his lifeless body, but that was probably a good thing. We didn’t need to talk about that.
“I’m…” A lump formed in my throat, the emotions inside of me one big confused ball. “I’m worried I’m starting to lose myself here.” That, at least, was the truth.
“We all do. It’s the effect of living in this place, with Nigel. We all lose ourselves in it. You can’t blame yourself for doing the same.”
I shook my head. “That’s not it.” Ugh, how could I say what I felt without sounding crazy? Hell, I guess that was part of the problem, huh? We were all a bit crazy here, so why did it matter if I sounded as insane as I felt? “My life was so boring before. I never really felt alive. Being here, being with you, with Nigel, putting on a show in front of an audience full of people I’ll never see again—I shouldn’t like it as much as I do.”
Now it was Trey’s turn to say nothing, to simply stare at me as if I’d grown a third eye. I hadn’t, not that I’d checked lately.
“I feel something for you,” I told him, earning myself a teeny, tiny smile, but that smile faded as I went on, “but I also feel something for Nigel, even if he’s—”
“An evil, malicious ass?” Trey offered.
“Yeah,” I agreed, only after throwing a look around us to make sure that evil, malicious ass was nowhere nearby. “I have to be crazy to feel anything for him, right? I mean, it’s just the connection to this place or something, maybe?” Grasping at straws; not my favorite thing to do, but at this point, I didn’t know what else to think.
Trey was careful in his response, “Maybe, but I can say I’ve never seen him get like that for anyone else before. No one else has ever affected Nigel like you.” He ground his jaw as he studied me, the dress I wore, how it frayed out at my hips. “I can only imagine how much crazier things will get around here if it keeps up, and I have the feeling it will.”
I waited a moment before asking, “Do you think he’ll ever let me be with you without hurting you massively after?” And if Nigel would never let it go, would Trey eventually force himself to think I wasn’t worth it? After all, I would never selfishly ask him to endure an eternity of pain just to be with me every now and then.
He said the only thing he could, and it made my heart swell in my chest: “I don’t care. Either way, I’m not going anywhere, Thana. This is my home. You’re my home. Nigel is… Nigel.”
I wanted to throw my arms around him and kiss him, taste those honeyed words on my tongue, but I knew I still needed to talk to Nigel. I needed… I needed to face him, and I needed to do it when he wouldn’t torture Trey or me, or make us put on another show just to remind me of how much power he held over me.
Oh, yeah. I knew the show last night was all about him reminding me that he was the all-powerful man here. Still, I refused to sit back and let him do that.
I still couldn’t remember what happened after, how I’d woken up in my own bed, but I hoped the memory would come in time. Or maybe it was Nigel himself blocking out my memory. It wouldn’t surprise me to learn he had that power; he seemed to have quite a