to be the one up there with her, to be the one whose cock was buried inside her, to feel those hands on my back, to hear those soft moans in my ears. I wanted it to be me.
Silly thing for a man to want from the girl he’d killed and brought into this life, but I wanted it all the same. I couldn’t help it. It was like my inner tiger was going nuts, constantly trying to fight the cage I put him in when we weren’t performing. My inner beast, wanting to claim someone as its mate.
I had no idea what I was, truthfully. All my life, I’d felt out of place, like I never really belonged. I used to think it was because I’d been adopted, but a deeper part of me had known: I wasn’t like anyone else. Or, at least, not like the people I’d grown up with. Not like my parents, not like my supposed friends, not like any of the girls I dated. I’d always felt the inner beast inside, wanting to claw its way out, and all it took was for Nigel to find me, for those eyes to lock on me when I visited the traveling circus just outside city limits, for me to realize it.
And, damn it, it felt good to finally free the beast.
If I was honest, I puffed myself up while around Thana, pretending to be a good guy, someone she could rely on here. And I was. She could depend on me to be anything she needed, but at the same time, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the wildness that took place at night, when we were free to wreak havoc upon this place and each other.
Some nights I let my tiger out, and we were a force to be reckoned with. No one stood a chance against us, not even remotely, but that never stopped anyone from trying.
But they saw me with Thana, and they knew Thana was Nigel’s, so they kept us out of their nightly freakshow. I missed it, missed joining them, missed hunting them one by one and sinking my teeth into their flesh, tasting their blood as it squirted onto my tongue and into my throat.
I could be good. I could be good for Thana. It was just so fucking hard.
One day Thana was with the contortionists, the pair of girls who could fold their bodies like no one’s business. They were in the grass between tents, the girls showing Thana just how twisted they could become, making her laugh and giggle, the sweetness of her laughter rising in the air. I stood a good ways away, watching, knowing I could listen to that laugh every day and never tire of it.
I hated how badly Thana thought of herself. I knew Nigel didn’t take people who meant a lot to the outside world, so we all had our own issues, but Thana… how could anyone ever ignore her? How could anyone look at her and shrug her off? She’d told me she’d never been enough for anyone out there, and I could not stress this enough: fuck those people. Fuck those people hard.
They were assholes. They were jerks. They were people who didn’t know a good thing when they had it.
Thana had a family now, even if she didn’t want to face it. We were her family. She belonged here, with us, until the end of days. And if something ever happened to this place, if this circus suddenly ended and we were thrown into hell itself, she would remain by our side.
Hopefully by my side, but knowing Nigel, he’d try to keep her for himself, even then.
I should turn around and leave, stop watching her like a creep, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to be around Thana all the time, wanted to be near her as often as I could. The tiger inside of me rammed itself against its mental cage, growling and making itself known in my mind; I might be in the form of a man, but I still had the instincts of a hunter, of an animal… and sometimes those instincts were too hard to fight.
I wanted her. I wanted her so fucking badly, and I didn’t know how much longer I could keep myself from her. It was inevitable; the animal inside would break loose, and it would run straight to Thana.
A shadow appeared beside mine, the sun shining brightly over