ensuring that the hall is empty, before tiptoeing on silent feet to Cassian’s present.
I can barely hear anything over the pounding in my heart. For some reason, it feels as if accepting this gift will mean that the war is over and I lost. It means that I’ve laid down my weapons and am now awaiting my punishment with bated breath. It’s utterly ridiculous, I know, but it’s how I feel as I unclasp the case and pull it open.
I don’t want to be in anyone’s debt, least of all Cassian Jereome.
Tentatively, I run my hand over the smooth, reddish-brown wood. It’s cold to the touch, but unlike the violin the school gave me, not a speck of dust or dirt adorns the instrument. I pluck first one string and then another, squeezing my eyelids shut as the notes reverberate through the room.
At the top of the case is a bow, made out of the same wood as the violin itself. The strings are stark white, not the murky brown of the archaic one still lying on the ground.
I want to play this beautiful instrument so bad that it’s a physical ache. I want to feel the music rumble through me like a storm inside of my body. Thunder crashing like cymbals. Lightning splicing the sky apart in golden-white light. Rain battering against the pavement, the noise destroying my eardrums.
Like a woman possessed, I lift the violin and place it beneath my chin. I settle the bow on the taut strings and slowly, almost hesitantly, begin to play.
The song courses through me. A song of hope and joy. Of despair and pain. It’s a myriad of emotions and feelings, some of which I don’t even understand.
And then I realize.
It’s the ending of my song, “Charming Devils.” It’s the bridge. The final chorus. The grand finale.
I allow the music to guide me, my eyelids fluttering shut as I drift away with the music. A few things still need work, a few notes that weren’t hit perfectly, but when I allow my eyes to reopen a few minutes later, I know I have it.
The ending.
Tentative clapping breaks me out of my reverie, but I don’t turn around.
“How long have you been there?” I question tiredly, crouching down to place the bow and violin back into the case.
“Long enough to hear you kick ass,” Cassian replies from somewhere behind me. I hear his footsteps against the tiles as he comes closer—close enough for his breath to waft across my neck, stirring my white-blonde hair. “That was…”
“Why are you here?” I finally turn towards him, straightening from my crouched position. He stands directly before me, his muscular arms crossed over his broad chest as he stares down at me. I notice that he cleaned off most of the chili, though a few stains remain on his shirt. Those brown eyes of his, flecked with gold, seem to reap my very soul from my body. I just don’t know if he intends to bring it to heaven or hell.
“I wanted to talk to you,” he replies, and for once, I don’t see even a hint of his customary teasing grin. His face is uncharacteristically solemn.
“About what you guys said? About how you guys all want to date me?” I ask, allowing my disbelief to bleed into my tone. He winces slightly before nodding.
“I know it sounds crazy—”
“It sounds absolutely fucking insane. You know that, right?” I demand. When he continues to stare at me, pleading for me to hear him out, I shake my head slowly. “You don’t even like me.”
“That’s not true,” he protests adamantly, a fire burning in those dark orbs of his. He starts to take a step closer but then thinks better of it, and clenches his hands into fists. “The reasons why I did what I did…it was never because I didn’t fucking like you. I think that was my problem.”
“You liking a girl?” I ask, voice laced with disbelief.
“Yes.” Unlike me, he’s being completely serious, almost confusingly so. “There are a lot of reasons why I did the things I did, baby,” he presses on, his lips quirking slightly when I growl at the nickname. “My dad left my mom and me before middle school began, but I think we both know that wasn’t the real reason. Or at least, it wasn’t the only one.”
“You’re making no fucking sense, Cassian.” I scrub a hand through my hair, loosening the ponytail I haphazardly threw it into when I arrived here.
“And