my head bent over, crushed between my hands. I can’t listen to Bernadette scream, not without breaking down and pulling my gun on Victor. How can he be so cruel when he loves her so much? What the hell is wrong with him?
“Aaron, get up,” Vic commands, and I turn my head slowly to look at him, looming over me, staring down at me with dark eyes. He’s frowning at me, but I don’t care. I just gave up my motherfucking soulmate to save my sister and my cousin. The world isn’t fair; the world is cruel.
While that’s all true, I wasn’t supposed to add to Bernadette’s cruelty. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Giving her up to have a better life was one thing, but sabotaging her? Yes, Kali Rose-Kennedy called Havoc and asked us to destroy Bernie for a year. To be honest, I almost hit her, just clocked that smug bitch in the face.
But that’s not how Havoc works.
“This is probably for the best,” Oscar had mused, cocking his head to one side in thought. “Bernadette watches us too closely, peers too keenly. We have to put some space between us and her.”
“Why’s that?” Hael quipped back, frowning hard. “This whole thing is bullshit. Who is Kali Rose? Nobody. We have history with Bernadette.”
And he was right.
We do have history with Bernie. Since elementary school, we’ve tried to look out for her. Shit, we made a pact when we were thirteen to watch from afar but keep romance out of it.
They all wanted her then; they still do, but in a different way. Things have changed a lot since we were thirteen. Bernadette is curvy and beautiful, a young woman with determination and hope in her eyes. For the briefest of moments, she was mine. She was mine. Fucking mine.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Vic,” I tell him honestly. Seeing Bernie hauled out of Prescott, kicking and screaming? That killed me. I vomited all over the front steps.
Vic crouches down in front of me, still frowning, as unhappy as I am, but most definitely not as undecided as me. He’s never undecided about anything, that’s what makes him so scary. He’s the perfect leader; he oozes charisma. He also scares me a little, but I’ll never let him know that. I’d rather die.
“Aaron, when we let you date Bernadette before, we agreed it was because you could give her something that none of us could. Things have changed; you are tainted.”
Closing my eyes, I nod. He’s right. I know he’s right.
“This is going to be hard, the hardest thing we’ve ever done. But Bernadette is too attached to us, too attached to you. We have to let her go, Aaron. The life of a mobster’s wife is short and brutal.”
“I know,” I growl out, sitting up. Vic claps a hand over my shoulder and rises to his feet.
“You’re selfless, Aaron. You always have been.” I’m not sure if Vic’s trying to compliment me … or insult me. Either way, he’s wrong.
Homecoming night, Hael and I watch from the woods as Bernadette walks home in nothing but a bra and panties. Her eyes are hard, her fists are clenched, but she doesn’t cry.
When she gets home, I’m waiting for her. She doesn’t know we watched her along the way, that we kept her safe. All she knows is that I’m a monster. Still … when I approach her, putting my hands on her hips, she looks up into my face and I know.
We can put distance between us, but that connection we have … it can’t be severed. Whether her name is in the acronym or not, Bernadette will and always has been Havoc, one of the family. Mine.
“I hate you,” she tells me, her pale skin washed in moonlight as she shivers. “I fucking hate you.”
But when I pull her into my arms and kiss her, we both melt. We fuck in her bed. I go home.
The next day, the torment continues.
Because I don’t deserve Bernadette. None of us do.
And yet … there’s not a single one of us that isn’t in love with her.
Shame.
It could only work if we could learn to share. But that … it’ll never happen.
Never.
November eighth, Now …
Bernadette Blackbird
There must be something on my face when I get back that screams just got my brains fucked out by Aaron Fadler because Vic takes one look at me and scowls.
“I was starting to wonder if we might have to come after